When you can't do it all...ask for help

"I don't know how you do it."

I hear this phrase a lot--from my mom, mother-in-law, friends, colleagues--and inwardly cringe every time. I don't know how to answer this phrase. Is it a compliment? A warning of impending insanity?

Usually say, "Me neither."

I do a lot of things, but so do lots of women. And like lots of women, I usually keep all the balls I juggle in the air.

I have four children: school aged twins, a toddler, and baby, all of whom are constantly hungry
I have a house that never stays picked up, let alone clean
I work from home as an adjunct English professor and freelance editor
I have a husband whom I love dearly (oops! Can't forget about him!)
But this summer, stuff got real. Stuff hit the fan.

This summer, I felt like Life was holding a whip to my back, screaming at me: "DO IT, WOMAN! DO ALL THE THINGS! DO ALL THE THINGS AND BE AMAZING TOO!"

And this summer, I've to confront my Life, the task-master of my own creation, and whisper, "I can't."

So I've had to say four words that I have stubbornly, foolishly resisted-with-all-my-being to say in the past.

No
and
I need help 

This is how I WAHM (work at home mom)

In order to say "yes" to my basic Life responsibilities, I've had to be honest with myself and say, "My life is not working right now. I am stressed out of my mind. Something needs to change." So...

I gave up a volunteer position I loved.

I cut short a summer book club I started.

Because I have 55 students in my current 8 week term (a course load I used to handle with ease), I scheduled babysitters to watch the kids a few times a week so I can go to Panera and frantically grade papers for a few hours without distractions.

I enrolled my 2 year old in two-day preschool this fall.

I want to do it all. But I just can't.

And that's ok. Because none of us can do it all, all the time. Sometimes we have to ask for help.

You don't have to enjoy every minute to be a good mom

When my twins were babies, I was consistently bludgeoned with this advice by well-meaning people: "Enjoy every minute."

I hated this phrase...mostly because I was going through one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Just keeping up with the daily care of two infants was hard enough--and I was supposed to "enjoy every minute" too?

I felt like a failure.

 One of my favorite bloggers, Modern Mrs. Darcy, wrote an article the other day about marriage, called "What makes a relationship work?"

This line stuck out to me:

...I’ve been warned by older and wiser friends not to panic if we hit a rough patch—strong marriages have bad weeks, months, even years—

We seem to accept the truth that "strong marriages have bad weeks, months, even years" so why does this truth seem harder to swallow when applied to parenthood?

 The thing is, our kids are people too, complete with little personalities, big attitudes, funny quirks, and loud opinions. And just like a strong marriage, our relationship with our kids requires work and daily maintenance.

In my seven+ years of parenting, I have come to realize that relationships with my children can and do go through difficult times that are frustrating, irritating, exhausting, even soul-crushing--trials of growth and times where I literally pull my hair out and think what-the-heck-am-I-doing?

There are so many times I have thought "I am a bad mom" or "I am not doing my best" when really, I was just going through one of these trials of growth. And growth is uncomfortable and painful and....not enjoyable.

The truth is, you don't have to enjoy every minute to be a good mom, despite the little old lady in the grocery store who sighs "it-goes-by-so-fast,"  and the "soak-up-every moment / enjoy every stage / be-the-perfect-parent-today-or-screw-your-kids-up-for-tomorrow" social pressures that we are inundated with on a daily basis.  

Parenting is hard because we are in relationship with tiny humans, and all good, lasting relationships have hard times. The key words there are "good" and "times," because there are good times too--seconds, moments, days, and years that are good, and should be soaked up and enjoyed.

Those are the times where we feel like good parents.

But the reality is, whether in marriage, or friendship, or parenting, or any relationship, feelings can be fleeting. It's the sticking through the hard times that spells commitment, the "I-will-do-my-best-no-matter-what-because-I-love-you" that is the true marker of a "good" mom.

Is motherhood enjoyable? I think the answer to that question depends on the mother and the moment you ask.

But if the litmus test of a "good mother" is how much we enjoy it, we will always be sentimentalizing the past or wishing ourselves in a less difficult parenting moment (naptime, anyone?).

We need to release the expectation of "enjoying motherhood" and focus on the reality of growing our relationships with our children, and all the good, bad, infuriatingly messy, ugly, and beautiful aspects that relationships with people bring to our lives.

Planting Seeds

I am terrible at growing plants. I have killed every plant I have ever tried to nurture.

I mean, I KILLED A CACTUS, ya'll. True story.

I am a terrible plant mother. I am a better real mother. I mean, the jury is still out...but to date, all my kids are still alive. ;)

I think a lot about being a good mother, not just in the clothes/food/exercise/school/sleep departments but in raising my boys to be good men, men that love others and love God.

I want them to know God and follow Jesus when they're ready. So I take them to church, and we fold our hands before meals, and talk about how Jesus lived and loved, died and rose again.

Most of the time, I feel like they aren't listening, like somehow my "preaching," and praying, and showing The Way isn't reaching their hearts.

But I keep trying.

Like for Easter this year, I decided to try Something New. I had high hopes for Something New, like the Something New would result in this special moment in my sons' spiritual education and relationship with God.

This is how it went:

Our church put together a contemplative walk for Easter Week. A couple from our church invited families to walk the trails in their woods marked with 14 stops, each with a chair for sitting, thinking, praying, and reading selected scripture from the last hours of Christ, ending with his death and burial. The story, of course, would be finished on Easter Sunday. Our pastor put together booklets with the scripture and invited people to come walk the trail.

Since my boys really are not huge fans of sitting still (or traditional church stuff), I though, "Wow! This could be great! It is really active. We can read the Bible! This is gonna be good."

So on Good Friday, I loaded up all 4 of my little guys in the car: two 7 year olds, a 2 year old and a 3 month old.

The boys were ready to RUN! The pastor greeted us when we got there and tried to explain the walk  as I squished the baby into the front carrier, kept one hand on Silas, and kept telling Micah and Benji to WAIT FOR ME! THANKS FOR THE PAMPHLET! K' BYE!

And we were off!

We made our first stop. The boys fought over who would sit in the chair while I quickly scanned the scripture passage (wow! This is really long...ok! Paraphrase! Paraphrase!) Whoops! Ok, we're off to stop #2!

And speaking of #2....before we were even 10 minutes in the woods, I hear this phrase from my 7 year old:

"Mom. I gotta go."
"Honey! Pee or poop?" Please be pee...!
"Poop."

Gah! NOOO! This is the child who coined the frantic phrase "IT'S COMING CLOSER!!!"

I thought we were going to have to squat by a tree while other church members passed us by, contemplating their Good Friday in silent prayer. Don't mind us! Just a little pooping going on here! But...a miracle happened.

"Don't worry. I can hold it."

After asking "Are you sure?" six times, we continued our walk.

Or run, I should say. The boys were going FAST. We kept catching and passing people on the trail.  "Ok, boys." I reminded them. "People are thinking about Jesus and praying. Let's....ok! Listen! Let's BE QUIET!!!"

We got to stop 6....and it started to rain. Oh....great.
It was just sprinkling. BUT I was alone in the woods with four children and we had 8 stops left to go.

"Uhh...I think we should go back, boys. It's rain--"

"No, Mom! No! It's ok! Let's go!

So we went. I kept going, the rain-spattered scripture pamphlet in one hand, and a yellow race car and snack cup full of goldfish--compliments of Silas--in the other hand.

Despite the rain, it was a beautiful day and a beautiful walk.
There was a stream.
There were trees.
There were rocks.
There were big splashes.
There was dirt.
And sticks.
And sword fighting....all while I struggled to read them Bible verses about how Jesus prayed in the garden, was kissed and betrayed, then beaten and mocked, taken to the cross.

"Listen." I urged. "Let's listen!"


It started to rain a bit harder. The boys found a big rock and threw it in a mud puddle. SPLESCH! It made a great noise.

This is hopeless. They aren't hearing anything I'm saying.

Silas kept falling down. Eli was slobbering all over the wrap because he wanted to nurse.

The boys kept running. "Woo hoo! This is the best day EVER!"

I was struggling to keep up. Why did I wear skinny jeans and nude flats for a walk in the woods? What is wrong with me?!

It was really raining now. Silas was crying because he fell down...again.

"Ok, boys. Ok. Alright...here. Last stop! 'And they...um..they laid him in a tomb.' That's like a cave where they put people when they die. A man named Joseph gave the tomb to Jesus...ok...and we're off again!"

We made it back to the car. The pastor asked, "How was it?"

I laughed a little bit. "Well, it was a little--DON'T GET MUD ON THE SEATS--it was a little crazy. I am not sure how much they heard. But they seemed to enjoy it."

He smiled. "Well, you're planting seeds."

And I smiled back and nodded. And then I dashed to put all those little boys in the car because it was REALLY raining by this time.

Planting seeds. There must be a reason Jesus used that metaphor in his parables. Planting is dirty work, and pretty boring. There's a lot of waiting, and hoping, and wondering if anything is going to come up.

There is nothing super-spiritual about the act of planting a seed.  Just poke a hole, push the seed in, cover it up, brush the dirt off on your skinny jeans, and hope for the best.

I turned on the windshield wipers and backed out of the drive way. I glanced at the clock: we walked for almost an hour.

"That was awesome, Mom!"
"Yeah. This is my favorite day."

I decided to gamble a question: "Do you guys remember anything we talked about while we walked?"

"Uh...about how Jesus died on the cross?"
"Yes! That's right! Anything else?"
"Yeah, he healed that guy's ear that got cut off with the sword! Right?"
"Yes! Right!"
"And he wore a crown of sticks on his head."
"Thorns...!"
"Yeah, thorns. And then he went in the cave. And then he rose from the dead!"
"Anything else?"
"Uh...no. That's all."

I smiled. That's all.

It wasn't some big spiritual breakthrough or deep conversations or special prayers or warm fuzzies. There was dirt and rocks, sticks and slow-down, crying and falling, yellow cars and goldfish, shushing and slobbering, poop-scares and rain. There was so much...Human.

And that's what He came for.

That's all.

Planting seeds...it's enough.

I'm 100% Mom and 100% Wife--And it has to be that way

This past week, the internet exploded with two more articles in the "Mommy Wars," this time targeting women's roles in the modern American family.

This was the first article: "I'm 99% Mother and 1% Wife--And it has to be that way" in which the author, a tired mother, states why she will always put her kids above her husband (to the detriment of her marriage).

This response hit the web a few days later: "I'm 49% Mother and 51% Wife--And it has to be that way." This article was from a Christian woman who argued that in order for a family to be happy and healthy, a wife must make her husband a priority over her children, if only by 2%.

Here's my two cents:

If we are going to pursue happy, healthy, and godly relationships in our families, we need to be 100% mom and 100% wife.

Because...they are two different roles.

Being a good wife doesn't mean that I ignore my children for the sake of my husband.

Nor does being a good mom mean that I forget that I am married to a man I respect and love.

Photo by S. Carter Studios

They are two different roles, each requiring different time commitments and energy focuses.

Aaron and I talked about this issue in the car yesterday as we drove for 2.5 blissful hours--blissful because all 4 boys were strapped in their car seats and no one was crying or screaming for food (thank you, DVD player).

My husband is a math guy (it's true: he as two math degrees) and he "did the math" on the  mother/wife debate.

Aaron: Let's say you get 8 hours of sleep at night--
Me: bahahahahaha!
Aaron: I was being hypothetical. But let's just say...Then you have about 10 hours of "mothering" before I get home from work at 5. We have about 2-3 hours of co-parenting before the kids go to bed and maybe 2 hours before we both conk out for the night. 

Yeah...you're pretty much 100% mom. 

Me: Do you feel neglected as a husband? 
Aaron: Not at all. 

Of course, adding up the numbers to determine value and worth of my family roles is pretty silly.  Plus, by that criteria, the kids win and I am a sucky wife. But just because I spend more time and energy with the kids doesn't mean I don't "put my husband first."

Photo by S. Carter Studios

My relationship with Aaron is a huge priority to me, which is how I am interpreting "putting my husband first" (Otherwise, I really don't know what this phase means).

The 99/1 and the 51/49 relationship arguments pit motherhood and wifehood against each other, as if being a "good mother" means I can only toss 1% to my husband, or being a "good wife" means that I must  somehow carve out 51% of....something to my husband.

I believe this creates needless anxiety for many women: Oh no...am I prioritizing the kids before my husband? Am I more "mom" than "wife"?

It doesn't have to be either/or, 99/1, or even 49/51.

The roles of "wife" and "mother" don't need to be at war with each other.
We can be 100% mothers and 100% wives.  

Or maybe, instead of focusing on percentages and numbers, we should just focus on being the best moms and wives we can possibly be in our unique family situations.

 A few more thoughts:
~Other than the false 51/49 bifurcation, I agree with pretty much everything Ashleigh said in her article. Cultivating a strong marriage relationship is foundational for a strong family.

~I think the 99/1 mentality often results from a woman feeling like her husband is an overgrown "child" who is a burden to take care of. A healthy marriage is a partnership of equals, with mutual respect between spouses.

~Consider how silly this discussion sounds when the gender roles are reversed:
I'm 99% father and 1% husband--And it has to be that way (???)
or
I'm 51% husband and 49% father--And it has to be that way (???)

100% dad and 100% husband--And it has to be that way

I didn't post our Halloween pictures to Facebook...and why it's ok.

I didn't post our Halloween pictures to Facebook, like so many of my friends.

As I scrolled through my newsfeed last night and this morning, I smiled as I saw all the princesses, monsters, and adorable family-themed costumes. And I felt a twinge of guilt.

I wish I had posted pictures so people could see that the Meng's had a great Halloween too! (And so I could enjoy the "so cute!" comments and "likes" for my adorable boys).

The things is, I couldn't post pictures because...I didn't take any. I know, #momfail.

The thing is, my camera had dead batteries
And I forgot to charge the batteries
and my phone takes crappy pictures
And...[insert excuse here]

That twinge of guilt led to so many mental excuses for why I didn't fulfill my "mom duty" and record Micah and Benji's 7 year old and Silas 2 year old Halloween.

But...even though I had a #momfail, we had a GREAT NIGHT!

My best friend, Candace, came in from DC just to go trick-or-treating with the boys. What a surprise! We were able to continue our tradition of taking the boys together around our neighborhood.

The boys' birthday in early October They've enjoyed playing in the costumes for the last month.

Micah and Benji had a great time in their Ninja Turtle and Batman costumes and got lots of compliments from our neighbors (and lots of candy too!). 

Silas, however, in typical two year old fashion, refused to wear the costume he was so excited about  weeks ago.

Last night: "BAWWWW! I hate this! Take it off! Take it off." So...I did.

I wish I could have taken pictures of the boys with their Aunt Candace, the costumes, Silas chillin' in the stroller, and the "stash" of candy. Or even how we went out to eat at Friday's afterwards and had good food and great conversation.

I could have filled a whole blog post or facebook album full of pictures. But the batteries were dead.

I couldn't take pictures and post them to facebook, something I love to do. 

But I realized, it was okay. We still had a great night. We made memories, despite the lack of pictures. 

I realized that taking pictures doesn't validate an experience or make it more special. It was special because it happened, not because I took pictures or posted to social-media.

It was special because we enjoyed each others' company. In Micah's words, "Mom, that was the best night ever!"

No pics last night but these were the smiles they had on their faces.

I realized that a picture isn't always worth 1000 words: sometimes the memory of the night
is enough to make it special.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Silas!

I can't believe my baby boy is TWO!! Wow, the years fly by.

My handsome little man

Silas is our little sunshine. He is such a happy boy and loves to make people laugh by performing, imitating people, and being silly.

My silly squwinchy picture face!

Just tonight at dinner he did all three:
Dancing to Pandora music (complete with head-wagging, squwinched up eyes, and mouth wide open!)
Imitating Daddy after a big burp (lovely. Also, one of his favorite things to imitate)
Pulling his bib half way up over his face and pretending it was a "mask"

Probably my most recent picture of him. He is going to be a dragon for Halloween.

That's our Silas!

I actually was a terrible mom on his birthday. We didn't even do cake and candles! (I KNOW! TERRIBLE MOM!!!) His birthday was on a Friday and I was at the tail-end of two frantic weeks of work and volunteering. I was wiped out.

In a perfect world, I would have made him Shepherd's Pie (one of his favorite meals) and chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing. And we would have eaten dinner as a family and sang to him and taken pictures while he blew out his 2 candles.

But, instead, I was laid out on the couch in all my 7 month pregnancy glory, nursing aching hips and back, waiting for my husband to get home from an out-of-town golf tournament at 7:30pm. I ordered pizza and let the boys watch "The Swiss Family Robinson." (odd...I feel a strange kinship with the mother in that movie). And the batteries in my camera died so no pictures....:(

Wait! I had ONE redeeming moment: I made Silas a puppy for his birthday and he LOVES it.

He named it "Puppy!" and it has become his new essential sleeping partner, along with his "Cat-Cat" and "Ki-Ki" (Blankie). So, win for mommy! (I think I am still -100 though).

So, who is Silas Edward Meng at 2 years old? Here are some of his favorite things:

Food: Scrambled eggs, sausage (or SAUSAGE!!! as he calls it) banana (which he call "la-lan-na"), fruit/veggie pouches, cheese sticks, Lucky Charms cereal (aka. he eats the marshmallows out of the 1/4 cup I give him), chocolate milk (he will specifically ask for chocolate (a tsp of Ovalteen), peanut butter and jelly, and POTATOES! He is a good eater (most days)

I love chocolate...chocolate milk, chocolate chips, chocolate Popsicles...

Shows: Signing Time and SuperWHY (which he calls "Boy-Boy." Go figure). Also, when we watch Netflix on our Wii, he has to hold a Wii remote himself. Typical male--has to have his own remote.

Favorite toys: "Cat-Cat" (his stuffed kitty), and anything that looks like or can be made into a gun. The child can make his own guns out of lego blocks. Seriously. Make it stop!! :o

Favorite books: The Foot Book, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, and In my Little Blue Bed. Silas loves to read!!

Special things about Silas: He is SUPER observant. He will run and tell us if anything is "off" in his world: the oven timer is beeping? Quick! The microwave display is flashing? OH NO! Fix it!!  Daddy shaved his beard? He will mention it 7 times a day for 2 weeks.

I LOVE to help mommy cook! I sit on the counter every day while she is making dinner. I am very good at letting her know that the timer is going off NOW.

He also will bring me or Aaron our shoes when it is time to go (or he wants to go). He is great about finding a matching pair and will bring them to us wherever we are in the house.

He will also tell us right away if he made a "mess! mess!," whether he spilled cereal or paper clips, or colored on his arms or the wall with marker. Thankfully, he is usually a good sport about cleaning up too (usually).

See the "mess! mess!" I made with mommy's mascara?

Recent New Words: Saying "Wha-?" when we call him.  
Saying "'mere! 'mere!" when he wants someone to come look at something (come here!)
Saying "Shiiiny" in a really funny (and slightly creepy) voice when he finds something sparky or shiny that he loves.
He is saying new things every week! This age is so much fun.

I love playing outside!!

Of course, with a 2 year old, there are the obvious not-so-fun things too. He throws a typical amount of fits for a toddler over the usual things:
My granola bar broke. Woe is me!
I asked for milk and you gave me milk. WAHHH!
I do not want to come. I will run away.
I want to eat all the things 10 minutes before dinner is ready--banana? cracker? chocolate? fruit snack? Please? no? Bahhhhhhh!
Mommy must hold me standing up. It is not the same when she sits. STAND UP, woman!
Brothers want to watch their movie and not Signing Time even though I have watched Signing Time all day long.

Chocolate cupcake eating. Did I mention that I like chocolate? 

You know, the typical things. Thankfully, he has a sweet disposition and takes discipline to heart very quickly (a quick time-out in his bed and he is all "sowwy" and hugs) so that is really nice.

We all pretty much adore this little guy. He is loved 1000% every day by his mommy, daddy, and  big brothers.

I love Micah! He always makes me laugh!

We love you Silas!

 

Next year, I PROMISE to make you cupcakes, ok? xoxo little man!

"Just wait…!": A bad parenting habit I need to break

It started when I was pregnant with my twins.  Experienced parents would cluck their tongues, shake their heads and state:

"Just wait….!"

"Just wait…you think pregnancy is hard? Wait until you have newborns!"
"Just wait….you better sleep now because you won't have a good night's sleep for the next 5 years!"

Then after the baby is born, I started hearing these predictions:

"Just wait till he starts teething! Now that's sleep deprivation!"
"Oh, I wish mine was a newborn again. Just wait till they can walk! You'll never sit down again!"
"Be thankful they can't talk yet. Just wait till they are toddlers. All I hear is "no! no! no!' Can you say temper tantrum?!"

Twin two year old glory

Then came toddlerhood:

"You think he has an attitude now? Just wait till he's a teenager!"
"You think you worry about safety now? Just wait till he's driving!"

I just sigh. Because with each "Just wait!"all I really hear is this:
"You think your life is hard now? Just wait! In a few years, you're going to be even more miserable! Parenting is really going to suck then! Haha!"

But, if I am really honest, I know I've said this phrase myself.

The real question is Why? Why do we caution new parents to "hold on! Just wait….!"

When I examine my heart and attitude toward parenting, I know I've said "Just wait!" for a few complicated, and rather embarrasing reasons:

1. I want to warn less experienced parents of what is coming up. Hey, the "Terrible Threes" ARE harder than the "Terrible Twos."

2. I want to be patted on the back: Yes, dear. Parenting is hard. Here's a gold star. 

3. I want to feel superior: You, poor new parent, haven't even experienced the agony that is to come. Heh, heh, heh. Just wait… 

#1 is the only reason that is only slightly unselfish (though really, any parent will discover that three is harder than two on her own). The other two reasons just make me cringe that I've ever said "Just wait" to a newer parent.

To me, and any exhausted parent who is just looking for sympathy and support for a hard day….or hard stage….of parenting, the last thing we want to hear is this: "Just wait. The worst is yet to come."

I've only been a parent for 7 years but I've come to realize two small truths:
1. Every parenting stage has its challenges. In some ways, it gets better. In some ways, it gets harder. Mostly it just gets different.
2. Messages of encouragement do far more good than predictions of doom.

I'm trying to break the "just wait" habit in myself. I want to look forward to the future with my children (yes! even the teenage years!) and not live in dread of every new stage.

But even more than adjusting my own attitude, I want to start offering more encouragement and support to my fellow parents. Maybe we could all try out some new "Just waits…"

"Just wait till you hold that new baby in your arms and kiss that sweet head. It is so worth it."
"Just wait till she smiles for the first time. Your heart will melt."
"Just wait till he says, 'I love you, mama!'"
"Just wait till she waves at you at her school program, nudges the kid next to her and says, "look! That's my mom!"
And even...
"Just wait till he gets his license and can go to Kroger and pick up milk."

Yes, all of those things are worth waiting for…and looking forward to.

Summer (Sanity!) Schedule

School is out! WOO HOO! No more crazy mornings, making lunches, scrambling out the door just in the nick of time…! Just days of fun…!

….long…days….of…fun.

Emphasis on "long."

Maybe you are like me and feel like "Oh my…how am I going to keep my kids happy this summer while also keeping my own sanity?

(on top of just day to day sanity I am also teaching online this summer. Oh, and I'm pregnant too.)

So, I decided to put together a little plan to help give us some structure to our long summer days.

Micah and Benji get up before I do and can do the first 3 by themselves. I usually get up around 7:30 or 8 and then we eat breakfast. 

"Clean up" will consists of general toy pick up and regular house work. It will also be an opportunity for the boys to earn "Bucks." (See below!)

Our Activity time will be anything from 

Playing at the park

Wednesday Playdate with friends

Going to Kids Cove

Going to the Library

Running errands 

Cooking Time

Doing work sheets or reading books

Painting/crafts

Playing in the bath (a favorite, especially for Benji)

Legos, Trains, etc. 

Or…if I am truly exhausted and have no creativity, playing educational games on the computer

After lunch is Rest Time which is ESSENTIAL to both  my sanity and the fact that I am working from home. Silas starts his nap at 12:30 and I am going to make the big boys lay down then too (or around there). Then I can get some work done on the computer and/or rest if I need to. TV time afterward is contingent on the big boys taking a good nap/rest (2 hours). 

My motivation is super-low in the late afternoon so I have a pretty lax schedule after Rest Time. 

I am hoping that our schedule will lead up till 5pm when DADDY COMES HOME FROM WORK!!! (aka the best part of the day!)

Bucks System

As a way to motivate my 6 year olds to do housework, summer work sheets, and general good behavior, as well as teach them about spending and saving, I made some "Behavior Bucks." 

I printed them on colored card stock  for free from this website

The boys can "Earn the Bucks," "Spend the Bucks," or "Lose the Bucks." Here are some examples below of how each one works in our family.

They can also earn bucks for a "Cheerful Attitude" or "Helping with Silas" or "Special Chores with Daddy"

So far, most of the bucks have been spent on iPad playing (also candy). They keep saying they want to save for
Toys R  Us but it is HARD (Saving is hard for all of us, isn't it?)

The boys can "Lose the Bucks" too. This has proven a pretty effective discipline method so far (even in just warning them that they are about to "LOSE THE BUCKS!"). 

I am hoping that our "Bucks" system will provide some structure and motivation to our day for chores and summer school work like reading and handwriting sheets. 

So, there it is: Our Summer (Sanity) Schedule. 

I really want to keep these faces smiling! (and mine smiling too!)

What are YOUR plans for the summer? How do you plan to keep (ha!) your sanity as well as keep your kids busy and happy?

Share your ideas below!  

FREE Stocking Stuffers Your Kids Will Love

For some reason, when thinking of stocking stuffers for my kids, all my brain was saying was "Uhhhh….?"

Then I started thinking about things my kids really like to do. Two of their favorites "special treats" are playing Angry Birds on my iPad and watching shows on Netflix. They only get to do these activities on special occasions so I thought…

"What about a coupon book?" 

 Coupons are easy and FREE and I know my boys will LOVE coupons for Angry Birds...

…and Netflix. I made 3 coupons for each activity with a check box to mark when the coupon has been redeemed. I'm sure these coupons will get good use over Christmas break!

I cut out some printable tags, wrote the coupon info, cut some wrapping paper to size, and stapled. BAM!

What do your kids love to do? Make some coupon books and stuff those stockings!

Your kids will love you! 

Why I can't raise my children to be Christians

"But why, mommy?" My five year old cried, his head on my shoulder. "Why did Jesus die on the cross?"
"Well, honey, he died so that we can have a relationships with God." I smoothed the hair back from his forehead, thinking back to the crucifixion scene we let our twins stay up to watch on The Bible mini-series.
I had been hesitant. Are they ready for this? I wondered. Maybe. Maybe this is going to be the moment!
I took a deep breath and moved forward.
"We are all sinners; this means we do bad things and our sin keeps us from God. But Jesus took the punishment for our sin when he died on the cross." 

I paused, looking into my son's tear filled eyes, amazed at the tenderness of his heart in this moment. "Do you want to thank Jesus for dying for your sins? Do you want to tell him that you want a relationship with God?" 
My son shook his head. "No."

*************************

In the past few weeks,  a blog post has been floating around the internet and has been reposted on my Facebook wall several times over. The article, How to Raise a Pagan Kid in a Christian Home, resonated with many of my friends, and with me as well. The message of the blog post was this: 

"If we teach morality without the transforming power of the gospel and the necessity of a life fully surrendered to God's will, then we are raising moral pagans."

While this post did resonate with me, it left me unsettled as well. Because I do teach my kids to be moral. I teach them that when you hurt someone, you say you are sorry. When you take something that's not yours, that's called stealing; you take it back, you apologize, and you don't do it again. I have said, "The Bible says we don't steal. We should not lie. That is unloving. This is not the way God wants us to live."

I say these things and I know I am teaching them to be…well, according to the wording of the linked blog post, "moral pagans." 

Because this is all I can do. 

I cannot teach my children to be Christians. 

I wish I could. I wish I could make them be followers of Christ simply by teaching them the ways of Christ, by making them "pray the prayer," by teaching them to be moral. 

I wish I could say, "In our family, WE believe THIS!" 

I probably have said this. But it is not 100% true. My husband and I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. We humbly accept Christ's righteousness in place of our sin. We choose to walk in His ways. 

But I shared the story at the beginning of this post to demonstrate the difficult truth that I can teach my children about Jesus, all about his atoning sacrifice on the cross, his miraculous resurrection, his forgiveness, his life and teaching, and the amazing new vision of life that he gives those who say, "Yes, Lord! I trust in you."  

I can teach them all of this. And I do teach them these things and will continue to do so. 

But I cannot raise my children to be Christians. A child does not become a Christian because he matriculated through a "Christian" home, because he has listened to his mother reading the Bible, because he heard his father pray, because he was in Sunday school every week, because he memorized scripture, because he prayed a prayer at Bible School, or because Mommy and Daddy are Christians. 

I can teach and demonstrate all these things but none of them will make my child a Christian. 

Because to be a Christian, my child must choose Christ for himself. 

My children are sinners. Without a transformed heart, every scriptural mandate I teach them is a moral code, a law. 

But it is my hope and deepest prayer that Galatians 3:23-25 will be manifested in their lives: 

But before faith came, we were kept under guard by the law, kept for the faith which would afterward be revealed. Therefore the law was our tutor to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. 

So, all I can do is teach my children to be "moral pagans." My efforts fall far short of their salvation. 

But where my efforts stop, God's grace begins. Christ died for my children the same as he died for me. I can only trust that his Spirit is at work in their lives, as he is in mine, and pray that when Jesus whispers to their souls, Come follow me! at the right time, they will say YES. 

I gave Super-Mom the boot this Halloween

I had these grand plans to sew my kids' Halloween costumes this year.

Benji wanted to be Turbo. Micah wanted to be Jake the Pirate. Cute, right?

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So, I spent some quality time brainstorming how I was going to make these adorable costumes. Jake was going to be pretty easy: boots! Red scarf! Felt vest! And we already had a sword. Check, check, and check! 

Turbo was the one that was giving my creative juices a big, fat squeeze. But I was prepared. I mentally fashioned this whole felt get-up that was stuffed with plastic bags. I was then going to make this headband thingy for the eyes. 

They would love their costumes and I would be super-mom. 

But...then some things happened. 

Like, 6 year old fickleness.  

And reality.

First, the boys CHANGED THEIR MINDS about what they want to be. (HOW DARE THEY? Don't they know how much TIME I have dedicated to THINKING about these costumes?!)

Micah said: I wanna be that green guy with muscles (The Hulk)

Benji said: I wanna be a PURPLE ANGRY BIRD!

I said, Ok. Why not?

So I ordered these bad boys from Amazon.com. 

The truth is, with teaching online and on campus, editing manuscripts, working on writing projects,  and taking care of my baby (oops, don't want to forget him!),  I really don't have time to make their costumes. :( 

That sucks. But it's reality. ::Sigh:: 

So, Super-mom got the boot. But I replaced her with mental sanity this Halloween. 

And I am really looking forward to taking "that green guy with muscles" and "PURPLE ANGRY BIRD" trick-or-treating next week.

Happy Sixth Birthday, Micah and Benji!

How are my twins SIX already? It seriously feels like they JUST turned five. This year has gone by so fast!

This has been a big year for Micah and Benji. They became big brothers AND they started Kindergarten. 

 I am so proud of them. 

Look how they've grown!

 Newborns in the NICU

 First birthday (we survived!!!)

 Two year old twins!

 Terrific twos (though sometimes terrible twos...)

 Three year old twins!

 Arr! We're three!

 Guess who's FOUR?? Micah and Benji!

 Four years old and off to school!

Five years old! 

Today we are SIX! 

Oh my goodness, boys! You are growing up so fast! 

Raising twins has been (very!) hard at times but I can honestly say that this past year has been the most delightful year I have had as a parent. Looking forward to many more wonderful years with my little men.