The BIGGEST surprise of my life!

I meet so many people who tell me, "Oh, I always wanted twins!"

Growing up, I never had this thought. Don't get me wrong: having twins is great (crazy...but great!) but I never wanted twins, basically because I never thought I could  have twins.

"Twins don't run in our family." I remember my  mom saying.

And that was it. The end. There had never been...so there never would be twins in our family. Right? (see "Scientific Note" at the end if you are curious about the types of twins that run in families).

WRONG!!

The day I found out I was having twins was the biggest surprise of my life. Want to hear the story? It's a good one. :)

Aaron and I were newlyweds and had just had the "when do we want to have kids" talk. We happily decided that waiting 3 years would be just right.

And God shook his head and laughed.

BOOM! I was pregnant the next month.

We were not happy. There were tears, terse conversations, hurt feelings, overwhelming worry.
We were only 22 and had been married eight months. I was still in college.

Aaron had an especially hard time adjusting to this life-altering news. The "plan" was that I would finish school and then he would be able to finish his degree. Now, that wouldn't happen.

But, like it or not, we were going to have a baby. My first ultrasound was scheduled at 11 weeks.

"I don't want to go." Aaron told me. "The baby will just look like a peanut right now. I'll go to the next one."

I was pretty miffed that he didn't want to go but I wanted to avoid another fight.  So, I sighed and went to the appointment by myself.

For anyone who hasn't had a baby, first ultrasounds are awkward. I expected it to be like all the pretty ultrasounds on “A Baby Story:” a subtle hand-held monitor gliding gently over the mother’s belly. I certainly didn’t expect a curling iron shaped condom-covered stick invading my private sanctuary.

But the real shocker came when I looked at the screen.

The doctor was so calm. “I thought your uterus felt kind of big. You're having twins."

And then my brain exploded. 

April 20 2007: The biggest surprise of my life.

Not really. 

But I went into shock. I broke out in hot flashes and hives laying there on that cold table, covered only in a paper gown.

“I’m having twins?!” I choked.

"Yep. You're having twins." Serene doctor said serenely.

(How could she be so serene?!?!?!? How was everyone not FREAKING OUT? I felt like someone should be shaking me by the shoulders and screaming, "HOLY CRAP, GIRLFRIEND!! YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE A MOM OF TWOOOOO BABIES!!!! BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING TWINS!!!)

And I was. There they were: two little gummy bears floating and waving and punching at each other through the hair-line membrane that separated them. Twins.

Twins!

After the ultrasound, I slowly got dressed, my heart racing and my hands shaking.

"Well, you just got the surprise of your life, didn't you?" A nurse said when I came out of the dressing room.

I nodded vaguely. I was in a  haze.

Then I started smiling. I was having twins.

Then the smile turned a little twisted. Because Aaron wasn't with me.
 Heh heh heh. Payback, baby.

I called him, inwardly cackling.

Aaron: Hey! How'd it go?
Me: Great! Guess what?
Aaron: What?
Me: We're having TWINS!
Aaron: oh, haha! Good one. No we're not.
Me: Yes. We are.
Aaron: (laughing) You're kidding me!
Me: I'm not kidding you.
Aaron: (pause. not laughing now) You're freakin' kidding me....!
Me: Nope. We're having twins, babe. I've got pictures.
Aaron: (laughing hysterically) [I heard a co-worker in the background asking him what he is laughing about] We're havin' TWINS!

I spent the rest of the day in a happy twin-haze. I smiled so much my face hurt. My ears also hurt from the number of people who screamed in the phone after I told them the good news.

It was one of the happiest, most surprising days of my life. 

This picture never ceases to amaze me.

And that, dear friends, is how I found out I was going to be a mother...times two.

So yes, even if twins don't run in your family, they could still HAPPEN TO YOU. 

Scientific Note (for those who are curious): Fraternal twins run in families, which occurs when the mother releases two eggs.
Identical twins --where the fertilized egg splits--are spontaneous and can happen to ANYONE, although it is rare (4/1000 births are spontaneous identical twins).

And wouldn't you know? We were lucky enough to get identical twins.

The question that annoys me the most as a twin mom

When I was in high school, I was a leader for a preschool church group. One year, we had adorable, blond-headed, mischievous twin boys join the group. They usually dressed alike so it was really hard to tell them apart.

Their mom even told me a story once about how a babysitter had deliberately changed them into non-matching clothes so she could tell them apart. Those little hooligans when to the bathroom (they were 4 years old!) and switched shirts! haha! Classic.

I could never tell those boys apart either.

I tell this story because I know what it is like to see a pair of twins, scratch my head, and wonder, "Which one is which?"

However, now that I have identical twins myself, this question drives me crazy.

When my boys were babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers, I didn't mind being asked "Which one is which?" My boys couldn't answer this question for themselves and I was happy to set people straight in the identical twin confusion.

Yeah…this one even stumps me. One of the rare times I dressed them alike as babies. 

My twins are almost 7 years old. They still look alike. So, why does this question bother me so much?

Because people ask me "Which one is which?" right in front of my boys.

My go-to answer has become "Ask them. They would be happy to tell you their names" as I sigh inwardly.

Micah likes to wear his hair long. Benji? The shorter the better!

You are probably clucking your tongue right now thinking, "Brittany, they are TWINS! You shouldn't get irritated."

And I really try not to. But if you think about it, most people would not approach a mother of two boys,  who were typical siblings who were playing two feet from her, and ask "Which one is which?" This question always just pinches me a little bit because, in some way, it strips my boys of their personal identity.

I want each of my sons to be known and recognized for being himself, not for being one half of a whole. After all, Micah and Benji have different interests, likes, dislikes, personalities…even their voices are different. They aren't even the same height or weight! (Micah is taller and heavier).

As identical twins, this is a battle that my boys will have to engage in their whole lives. It doesn't really bother them a whole lot now so I guess I am "fighting" for them at the moment. But I know the time will come when they will realize that people constantly can't remember their names…maybe perhaps because they see Micah and Benji as two parts of a whole, not as individuals.

So, what's the solution? For me, I need to continue practicing patience and graciousness and teach these virtues to my children as well.

For others, what do you do when you really cannot tell a pair of twins apart, like those two little boys in my preschool church group?

I would love it if people, children or adults, came up to Micah or Benji and said, "I can't remember your name. Could you please remind me?"

This question is personal and sensitive. And it would make the heart of this twin mom glow, because you would be recognizing my son for the unique person that he is.

PS. For those of you know my boys, another tip for telling them apart is that Micah has a cowlick and Benji doesn't. In fact, Micah will even point it out to you himself! :)

See that swirl of hair on Micah's forehead? That's his special feature!

"Just wait…!": A bad parenting habit I need to break

It started when I was pregnant with my twins.  Experienced parents would cluck their tongues, shake their heads and state:

"Just wait….!"

"Just wait…you think pregnancy is hard? Wait until you have newborns!"
"Just wait….you better sleep now because you won't have a good night's sleep for the next 5 years!"

Then after the baby is born, I started hearing these predictions:

"Just wait till he starts teething! Now that's sleep deprivation!"
"Oh, I wish mine was a newborn again. Just wait till they can walk! You'll never sit down again!"
"Be thankful they can't talk yet. Just wait till they are toddlers. All I hear is "no! no! no!' Can you say temper tantrum?!"

Twin two year old glory

Then came toddlerhood:

"You think he has an attitude now? Just wait till he's a teenager!"
"You think you worry about safety now? Just wait till he's driving!"

I just sigh. Because with each "Just wait!"all I really hear is this:
"You think your life is hard now? Just wait! In a few years, you're going to be even more miserable! Parenting is really going to suck then! Haha!"

But, if I am really honest, I know I've said this phrase myself.

The real question is Why? Why do we caution new parents to "hold on! Just wait….!"

When I examine my heart and attitude toward parenting, I know I've said "Just wait!" for a few complicated, and rather embarrasing reasons:

1. I want to warn less experienced parents of what is coming up. Hey, the "Terrible Threes" ARE harder than the "Terrible Twos."

2. I want to be patted on the back: Yes, dear. Parenting is hard. Here's a gold star. 

3. I want to feel superior: You, poor new parent, haven't even experienced the agony that is to come. Heh, heh, heh. Just wait… 

#1 is the only reason that is only slightly unselfish (though really, any parent will discover that three is harder than two on her own). The other two reasons just make me cringe that I've ever said "Just wait" to a newer parent.

To me, and any exhausted parent who is just looking for sympathy and support for a hard day….or hard stage….of parenting, the last thing we want to hear is this: "Just wait. The worst is yet to come."

I've only been a parent for 7 years but I've come to realize two small truths:
1. Every parenting stage has its challenges. In some ways, it gets better. In some ways, it gets harder. Mostly it just gets different.
2. Messages of encouragement do far more good than predictions of doom.

I'm trying to break the "just wait" habit in myself. I want to look forward to the future with my children (yes! even the teenage years!) and not live in dread of every new stage.

But even more than adjusting my own attitude, I want to start offering more encouragement and support to my fellow parents. Maybe we could all try out some new "Just waits…"

"Just wait till you hold that new baby in your arms and kiss that sweet head. It is so worth it."
"Just wait till she smiles for the first time. Your heart will melt."
"Just wait till he says, 'I love you, mama!'"
"Just wait till she waves at you at her school program, nudges the kid next to her and says, "look! That's my mom!"
And even...
"Just wait till he gets his license and can go to Kroger and pick up milk."

Yes, all of those things are worth waiting for…and looking forward to.

Summer (Sanity!) Schedule

School is out! WOO HOO! No more crazy mornings, making lunches, scrambling out the door just in the nick of time…! Just days of fun…!

….long…days….of…fun.

Emphasis on "long."

Maybe you are like me and feel like "Oh my…how am I going to keep my kids happy this summer while also keeping my own sanity?

(on top of just day to day sanity I am also teaching online this summer. Oh, and I'm pregnant too.)

So, I decided to put together a little plan to help give us some structure to our long summer days.

Micah and Benji get up before I do and can do the first 3 by themselves. I usually get up around 7:30 or 8 and then we eat breakfast. 

"Clean up" will consists of general toy pick up and regular house work. It will also be an opportunity for the boys to earn "Bucks." (See below!)

Our Activity time will be anything from 

Playing at the park

Wednesday Playdate with friends

Going to Kids Cove

Going to the Library

Running errands 

Cooking Time

Doing work sheets or reading books

Painting/crafts

Playing in the bath (a favorite, especially for Benji)

Legos, Trains, etc. 

Or…if I am truly exhausted and have no creativity, playing educational games on the computer

After lunch is Rest Time which is ESSENTIAL to both  my sanity and the fact that I am working from home. Silas starts his nap at 12:30 and I am going to make the big boys lay down then too (or around there). Then I can get some work done on the computer and/or rest if I need to. TV time afterward is contingent on the big boys taking a good nap/rest (2 hours). 

My motivation is super-low in the late afternoon so I have a pretty lax schedule after Rest Time. 

I am hoping that our schedule will lead up till 5pm when DADDY COMES HOME FROM WORK!!! (aka the best part of the day!)

Bucks System

As a way to motivate my 6 year olds to do housework, summer work sheets, and general good behavior, as well as teach them about spending and saving, I made some "Behavior Bucks." 

I printed them on colored card stock  for free from this website

The boys can "Earn the Bucks," "Spend the Bucks," or "Lose the Bucks." Here are some examples below of how each one works in our family.

They can also earn bucks for a "Cheerful Attitude" or "Helping with Silas" or "Special Chores with Daddy"

So far, most of the bucks have been spent on iPad playing (also candy). They keep saying they want to save for
Toys R  Us but it is HARD (Saving is hard for all of us, isn't it?)

The boys can "Lose the Bucks" too. This has proven a pretty effective discipline method so far (even in just warning them that they are about to "LOSE THE BUCKS!"). 

I am hoping that our "Bucks" system will provide some structure and motivation to our day for chores and summer school work like reading and handwriting sheets. 

So, there it is: Our Summer (Sanity) Schedule. 

I really want to keep these faces smiling! (and mine smiling too!)

What are YOUR plans for the summer? How do you plan to keep (ha!) your sanity as well as keep your kids busy and happy?

Share your ideas below!  

Happy Sixth Birthday, Micah and Benji!

How are my twins SIX already? It seriously feels like they JUST turned five. This year has gone by so fast!

This has been a big year for Micah and Benji. They became big brothers AND they started Kindergarten. 

 I am so proud of them. 

Look how they've grown!

 Newborns in the NICU

 First birthday (we survived!!!)

 Two year old twins!

 Terrific twos (though sometimes terrible twos...)

 Three year old twins!

 Arr! We're three!

 Guess who's FOUR?? Micah and Benji!

 Four years old and off to school!

Five years old! 

Today we are SIX! 

Oh my goodness, boys! You are growing up so fast! 

Raising twins has been (very!) hard at times but I can honestly say that this past year has been the most delightful year I have had as a parent. Looking forward to many more wonderful years with my little men. 

The Three Meng Boys: Recreated photo shoot

The Meng boys...

Almost exactly 5 years ago, this picture was taken. And today, this picture was taken....

Same location, different son

 Silas is eight months today. 

Benji and Micah were around 9 months in these pictures (this is Benji)

 Love Si's sweet, wrinkled nose!

Now my sweet twins are 5 1/2 years old! Look how cute they were! (ok, they still are...but really. Pure cuteness here!)

Here is a little montage of this repeat baby photo shoot: 2008 and 2013

 My three crazy kiddos today 

All photos were taken by Sabrena Carter Deal of S. Carter Studios, Lynchburg VA. 

My New Years Resolution: Choosing Delight

It's almost June 1st. Do you remember your New Years Resolution?

I only made one, and it wasn't really even a resolution, per se. I chose a word, a word to help focus my mothering and my relationships with my children. Particularly, my relationships with my 5 year old twins.

My word is "Delight."

Around New Years, I was feeling pretty discouraged about my mothering abilities. Ok, not just discouraged: guilty. And it was the worst type of guilt--MOM guilt.

When we rang in the new year, Silas was around 2 months old and he was a precious bundle of pure goodness--sweet, soft, good smelling (most of the time), and snuggly.

Having one baby was pure joy. Delightful.

I finally realized why everyone asked me, "How do you do it?" when my twins were babies.

The answer, of course, was "I just do! I don't have a choice." And I didn't. I just did the best I could. I just put one foot in front of the other every day and just did it.

And I made it! Through twin babyhood and toddlerhood, and into preschool. I did it.

But having one baby made me realize something sobering. Having infant twins was really hard. So hard that there was only room for survival  and not much room for joy or delight on most days.

The thing is, things got easier as my twins got older. However, my outlook and attitude remained the same--this is hard.
Frustrating.
Overwhelming.
Difficult.

I didn't let myself take delight in them because I was so caught up in the petty annoyances and frustrations that come from having twins boys--and in reality, kids in general--demanding attention, crying and yelling, wrestling, overwhelming emotions, huge messes, 100 spilled drinks a day, wrestling, crashing toys and lamps, oh, and did I mention, wrestling?

Sadly and shamefully, I realized that my primary emotion I felt toward my twins each day was annoyance. And I wanted to change.

I thought: I'll plan dates with them. We'll do fun things. I won't yell so much. I will be more patient. I will do better. Be...better.

But deep down I knew that forcing myself change my behavior toward them wasn't the issue. '

I needed to change my heart. I needed to see them with new eyes.

So I prayed and asked God to help me choose a word for 2013, a word that would help refocus my mothering.

Ultimately, I chose the word "Delight."

The definition of "Delight" encompasses so many of the ways I want to view my sons:
I want to enjoy them
I want to find satisfaction in them
I want to notice the tiny things that make them tick and genuinely smile
I want to love them for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

So since January, I have been choosing delight.

Sometimes in moments of frustration, where a still small whisper reminds me, "Delight! Delight! Delight in your small, strong, rough and tumble boys."

Sometimes in moments of creativity:
Mommy, can I help you cook?
Mommy, listen to my joke!
Mommy, look what I can do!

And instead of
No.
Not right now.
Stop that!

I choose
Yes.
Laughter.
Wow!

At the beginning of the year I shared my word with a few close friends and last week, one of my dear friends told me, "I can see a change in you, in the way you talk about them. In the way you view mothering. You have more joy."

It was easy for me to find joy in Silas. It came more naturally because I wasn't inexperienced this time around, because I felt confident and peaceful instead of unsure and stressed out, because he was only one baby and not two.

But I needed to stop using "twins" as a synonym for "hard." I needed to renew my thinking.

Because sometimes motherhood isn't about moving forward--it is about going back to the beginning and starting over again.

So I started over again on January first.

I still remember my resolution. It has changed me for the better.
And I hope, for good.
Because sweet, silly, wild, loud, funny, strong, unique Micah and Benjamin, I delight in you. 

I choose delight. 

The trials of being a twin: A Five year old's perspective

Micah and Benji are five years old and frequently (and loudly) announce to others (like random people at the park):

WE ARE TWINS!!

Being twins is unique!
Being twins is fun!

But sometimes, being twins is annoying. Or even, confusing.

This is a snippet of the conversation we had at dinner tonight.

Micah: Sometimes my friends call me 'Benji.'
Me: Ahh...I see. Does that bother you?
Micah: Yeah, because I'm NOT Benji.
Me: Why do you think they call you Benji?
Micah: I don't know!
Me: Are you and Benji twins?
Micah: Yes.
Me: Do you and Benji look alike?
Micah: (emphatically) No! We don't look alike...
Me: Well, some people think you look like Benji.
Micah: But I don't look like Benji! I look like Micah!

(Yes, indeed, little man. You do look like Micah.)

We decided to query Benji to get his take on this problem.

Me: Benji, do your friends ever call you 'Micah'?
Benji: (very matter of fact) No, my friends call me 'Benji'.
Micah: I don't like being a twin!

Aaron: Well, son, you'll need to take that up with God.

Do you know who is who???

Happy 5th Birthday Micah and Benji!

Micah and Benji turned 5 today!!! 

Here is a look at their past five birthdays....

Happy FIRST Birthday!

Happy SECOND Birthday!

Happy THIRD Birthday!

Happy FOURTH Birthday!

And (TODAY!) Happy FIFTH Birthday!

 The boys modeling their new Wild Kratt's Creature Power Vests (I made these! Blog post coming soon....)

 Birthday party at Kids Cove today. "Happy Birthday to you....!"

(We sang to Benji. Micah doesn't like birthday singing. Oh, my little son...)

 Their favorite part!

 All our wonderful friends who came to our party!

And.......a little pic of how I looked today. 39 weeks pregnant. 

Ok, Silas. Your brothers turned five. You can come any day now. 

Happy 4th Birthday Micah and Benji!

My babies are four years old! WOW! Where did last four years go? 

(Awkward) Family picture with our big boys

We love our Grandma! 

Aaron's mom stayed with us for almost 2 weeks while we were dealing with Benji's hospitalization and Micah's surgery (see the bandage on his neck? He was doing great when this picture was taken, two days after surgery. He calls his neck "my new neck").

Birthday morning! Muffins with Cool Whip and candles. The boys were singing Happy Birthday to themselves. :) 

Blow out the candle!

Chocolate cake after dinner: 4 candles for each boy!

(I had a nice picture of the cake with the candles lit but unfortunately, my son was grabbing his crotch in that picture so...I decided not to post it...)

YUM! We love chocolate cake!

Who needs a fork?

Birthday Benj! 

Here's a few things about Micah and Benji at four years old:

Favorite Foods:

Benji: Eggs, string cheese

Micah: Anything (not a picky eater, that one). I actually just asked him what is favorite food was and he said "Thomas food." Which leads into our next fun fact.

Favorite Toys:

Both: Thomas the Train, Cars, Planes

Favorite TV shows:

Both: Caillou, Dinosaur Train, SuperWhy! 

Favorite Movies:

Toy Story (Benji does an awesome rendition of the Potato Head outtakes on Toys Story 2. "And a plastic steak! A rubber ducky? And some blue playdoh! Some teeth? Be careful! They chatter! Wooooah!) 

Cars

Veggie Tales 

Up

And a host of others (they love to act out their favorite parts of the movies too)

Favorite Colors:

Micah: Green

Benji: (I just asked him and this is his answer) "Spencer. Spencer is a steam engine" That is Benji to a "T"

Weight:

Micah: 30 lbs

Benji: 27 lbs

Height: 

Not sure...we need to measure! 

But...short. :) 

Favorite thing to do:

Run around like crazy

Wrestle

Favorite Bedtime songs:

Micah: Create in me a clean heart (Psalm 51)

Benji: Spring Rain (Hosea 6:3)

Favorite Places to go:

Kids Cove

Library

Park

Pet store

Sweet Frog (frozen yogurt)

The Dollar Store

Church 

Preschool

Other things they love:

Magnets

Kitten the guinea pig

Curious George

Fish and fish tanks

Dogs

Kittens

Daddy

Mommy

We love you too, little guys! Happy Birthday! We can't believe you are four already!