The BIGGEST surprise of my life!

I meet so many people who tell me, "Oh, I always wanted twins!"

Growing up, I never had this thought. Don't get me wrong: having twins is great (crazy...but great!) but I never wanted twins, basically because I never thought I could  have twins.

"Twins don't run in our family." I remember my  mom saying.

And that was it. The end. There had never been...so there never would be twins in our family. Right? (see "Scientific Note" at the end if you are curious about the types of twins that run in families).

WRONG!!

The day I found out I was having twins was the biggest surprise of my life. Want to hear the story? It's a good one. :)

Aaron and I were newlyweds and had just had the "when do we want to have kids" talk. We happily decided that waiting 3 years would be just right.

And God shook his head and laughed.

BOOM! I was pregnant the next month.

We were not happy. There were tears, terse conversations, hurt feelings, overwhelming worry.
We were only 22 and had been married eight months. I was still in college.

Aaron had an especially hard time adjusting to this life-altering news. The "plan" was that I would finish school and then he would be able to finish his degree. Now, that wouldn't happen.

But, like it or not, we were going to have a baby. My first ultrasound was scheduled at 11 weeks.

"I don't want to go." Aaron told me. "The baby will just look like a peanut right now. I'll go to the next one."

I was pretty miffed that he didn't want to go but I wanted to avoid another fight.  So, I sighed and went to the appointment by myself.

For anyone who hasn't had a baby, first ultrasounds are awkward. I expected it to be like all the pretty ultrasounds on “A Baby Story:” a subtle hand-held monitor gliding gently over the mother’s belly. I certainly didn’t expect a curling iron shaped condom-covered stick invading my private sanctuary.

But the real shocker came when I looked at the screen.

The doctor was so calm. “I thought your uterus felt kind of big. You're having twins."

And then my brain exploded. 

April 20 2007: The biggest surprise of my life.

Not really. 

But I went into shock. I broke out in hot flashes and hives laying there on that cold table, covered only in a paper gown.

“I’m having twins?!” I choked.

"Yep. You're having twins." Serene doctor said serenely.

(How could she be so serene?!?!?!? How was everyone not FREAKING OUT? I felt like someone should be shaking me by the shoulders and screaming, "HOLY CRAP, GIRLFRIEND!! YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE A MOM OF TWOOOOO BABIES!!!! BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING TWINS!!!)

And I was. There they were: two little gummy bears floating and waving and punching at each other through the hair-line membrane that separated them. Twins.

Twins!

After the ultrasound, I slowly got dressed, my heart racing and my hands shaking.

"Well, you just got the surprise of your life, didn't you?" A nurse said when I came out of the dressing room.

I nodded vaguely. I was in a  haze.

Then I started smiling. I was having twins.

Then the smile turned a little twisted. Because Aaron wasn't with me.
 Heh heh heh. Payback, baby.

I called him, inwardly cackling.

Aaron: Hey! How'd it go?
Me: Great! Guess what?
Aaron: What?
Me: We're having TWINS!
Aaron: oh, haha! Good one. No we're not.
Me: Yes. We are.
Aaron: (laughing) You're kidding me!
Me: I'm not kidding you.
Aaron: (pause. not laughing now) You're freakin' kidding me....!
Me: Nope. We're having twins, babe. I've got pictures.
Aaron: (laughing hysterically) [I heard a co-worker in the background asking him what he is laughing about] We're havin' TWINS!

I spent the rest of the day in a happy twin-haze. I smiled so much my face hurt. My ears also hurt from the number of people who screamed in the phone after I told them the good news.

It was one of the happiest, most surprising days of my life. 

This picture never ceases to amaze me.

And that, dear friends, is how I found out I was going to be a mother...times two.

So yes, even if twins don't run in your family, they could still HAPPEN TO YOU. 

Scientific Note (for those who are curious): Fraternal twins run in families, which occurs when the mother releases two eggs.
Identical twins --where the fertilized egg splits--are spontaneous and can happen to ANYONE, although it is rare (4/1000 births are spontaneous identical twins).

And wouldn't you know? We were lucky enough to get identical twins.

How to (accidentally) exercise everyday

I hate to exercise.

I know some women love it. It's like an escape to them…from their kids, house, stress, life. I admire these women; they inspire and baffle me.

Personally if I want to escape, it's in a good book or netflix series curled under a squishy afghan with a glass of milk and a slice of chocolate cake.

That, my friends, is my definition of "escape."

But, back to by hatred of exercise.

The only thing stronger than my hatred of exercise is my guilt of NOT exercising. Because I know I'm supposed to. I want to be healthy. I want to be a good example for my kids. I want to be a "hot mom" (wait...did I just say that?)

But I am also a really busy person. I have three kids. I have a house to take care of. I have meals to prepare. I have a mountain range of laundry to cross every week. Oh, and I also work 30+ hours a week from home as an online professor and freelance editor.

I have 6-8 exercise DVDs that I attempt to do every 9.5 months. Usually by the time I get half way through, one of my children is crying or pooping somewhere inappropriate.

So, what's a busy mom to do? I decided that instead of trying to squeeze exercise in, I should take a backwards approach. I decided to look back at my day or week and see where I have accidentally exercised.

The Accidental Exercise Plan is simple. All you need is some creativity and a good memory (though once you add more than two children to your life, the later is hard to come by. Hang in there, mama!)

The only equipment required for the Accidental Exercise Plan is a house and children.

And the exercises are simple--you are probably doing them all every day! You just need to recognize them so you can give yourself a pat on the back at the end of every day for exercising.

Tell me more, you say? Well, let's begin! I've broken the Accidental Exercise Program down into Legs, Arms, Abs, and Cardio.

Legs:

The Basement Laundry Room
Do you have a basement laundry room? Lucky you! Don't curse the cold concrete floors, the swinging lightbulb, and the spiders that freak the living daylights out of you! Thank your lucky stars that you get to "do stairs" every day!

Yes, every time you run up, run down, lug up, lug down, you are exercising, my dear. So do your laundry with PRIDE! Your thighs are thanking you.

The Two Year Old
Do you have a two year old? Then you also have a personal trainer! The two year old will help you run every day. To take advantage of your two year old's expertise, take him to a grocery store, Target, or any department store. Turn around for 1.2 seconds then turn back around. Your child will be 100 yards away and will be urging you to begin your Accidental Exercising for the day. Run, mama, run!

Is your child super speedy? Lucky you!

Arms:

Dinnertime Bicep Burn
It's 6:00 at your house. That means dinner time prep. It also means Accidental Exercising! Don't distract your clinging, crying baby with toys, wooden spoons, pot lids, goldfish, and a kitten! Hold that baby on your hip while you stir that pot!

Do you feel that burn? Ahh…your biceps are thanking you.

BONUS Workout: Have twins. Then you can do this:

Yes, these are my workout clothes. 

Abs:

Midnight Maneuver
This Accidental Exercise technique takes some skill but most moms are already completing this move with dexterity.
First, pass out from exhaustion in your bed while your baby is curled up beside you.
Next, wake up. Realize that it is only 8:45pm and you are an adult who promised herself that she would have an grown-up conversation with her husband that night.
Next, hoist your baby over your stomach, cradling her body with your arms. Do not wake your baby!
Carefully sit up without using your arms or elbows to help you. Flail your legs if necessary--no one is watching.
Place your baby carefully in bed.
Pat yourself on the back for getting your baby to sleep AND doing a crazy-hard sit-up.
Repeat as necessary throughout the night.

The Squishy Belly Laugh
Did you know that laughing burns 1.3 calories per minute? To take advantage of the Squishy Belly Laugh Accidental Exercise, pull up your shirt so your belly is exposed. Let your baby squish all that postpartum goodness while you blow raspberries. Your baby will laugh. You will too...WHILE YOU BURN CALORIES!! WIN WIN!

Cardio:

They say the point of cardio is to elevate the heart rate to strengthen the heart muscles. Here are a few ways to integrate an elevated heart rate into your Accidental Exercise regimen.

The Crash
Go about your day as normal. Hum. Sing. Be happy and joyful and unassuming. CRASH!!! In the moments after The Crash (usually from your child's bedroom), your heartbeat will elevate. If you hear the "bad cry," RUN (bonus exercise!!!) to your child's room. Your heart rate will continue to elevate until the crash and the "bad cry" are resolved.

"Cardio" accomplished.

The Daredevil
Is your child a daredevil? Lucky you! You get to experience Accidental Exercise cardio more than most!  To take advantage of your daredevil, look for ways to be scared out of our pants: jungle gyms, parking lots, bunk beds, knives in your dishwasher, etc.

Caution: a side effect of The Daredevil is gray hair.

Of course, you could always accidentally exercise by doing this too...

I call it "The Lift and Kiss"

So fellow mamas, if you are like me, let go of your guilt. Let the dust collect on those Jillian Michael's DVDs. Plan some quality "escape" time in your day, because you know what? 

You already (accidentally) exercised today. 

Do you Accidentally Exercise??? Share your tips below!!!

"May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters:" A blessing for Mother's Day

This Mother’s Day:

Photo by S. Carter Studios

May you always pee in peace

May your coffee be hot and your wine cold

May you enter and exit the shower without an audience

May your hair be free of grease and your under-eyes void of dark circles

May your skinny jeans zip

May the only muffins tops in your life be blueberry

May your baskets be free of laundry and your sink clear of dishes

May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters

May your freshly mopped floors magically repel spilled milk and kool-aid

May naptime be long

May your feet avoid all legos and Barbie shoes

May dinner time be filled with “Seconds, please!”

May you sleep as deeply as the father of your children

May your children tell you that you are the best mama in the world and may you believe it.

Because, mama, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are the best mom in the world. 

Photo by S. Carter Studios

Today and everyday. 

The trials of being a twin: A Five year old's perspective

Micah and Benji are five years old and frequently (and loudly) announce to others (like random people at the park):

WE ARE TWINS!!

Being twins is unique!
Being twins is fun!

But sometimes, being twins is annoying. Or even, confusing.

This is a snippet of the conversation we had at dinner tonight.

Micah: Sometimes my friends call me 'Benji.'
Me: Ahh...I see. Does that bother you?
Micah: Yeah, because I'm NOT Benji.
Me: Why do you think they call you Benji?
Micah: I don't know!
Me: Are you and Benji twins?
Micah: Yes.
Me: Do you and Benji look alike?
Micah: (emphatically) No! We don't look alike...
Me: Well, some people think you look like Benji.
Micah: But I don't look like Benji! I look like Micah!

(Yes, indeed, little man. You do look like Micah.)

We decided to query Benji to get his take on this problem.

Me: Benji, do your friends ever call you 'Micah'?
Benji: (very matter of fact) No, my friends call me 'Benji'.
Micah: I don't like being a twin!

Aaron: Well, son, you'll need to take that up with God.

Do you know who is who???

"Daddy said YES!" A story of miscommunication

You should always double-check your children's work when you give them a task to do. You never know how they are going to translate your directions. Take this morning, for example.

Setting: I am making breakfast. Aaron is in the shower. Boys are HUNGRY!

Me: Micah, go ask Daddy if he wants eggs.
Micah: ok! (runs to bathroom. Runs back). He said YES!
Me: Really?

A note of translation here: Aaron doesn't usually want eggs. I was asking to be polite.  I thought I should double-check by sending the other twin in.

Me: Benji, go ask Daddy if he wants eggs.
Benji: But I  want eggs!
Me: Yes, I know. Go ask Daddy if he wants eggs.
Benji: Ok! (runs. Runs back) He wants eggs!

I check the fridge. We only have 4 eggs and I need one to make dinner. Darn. I decide to tell Aaron that he can't have eggs. I go to the bathroom.

Me: Sorry, you can't have eggs. We don't have enough.
Aaron (from in the shower): I don't want eggs.
Me: What? Micah said you said "Yes" you wanted eggs.
Aaron: No, Micah knocked and said, "Can I come in?" and I said "Yes!"
Me: (laughing) And what about Benji? He said you wanted eggs too.
Aaron: Nope. Benji came in and asked if he could have eggs and I said, "Yes, of course!"
Me: Wow. (leaves bathroom)

And the moral of the story is If you have children, miscommunication is inevitable. Always double-check. Or in my case, triple-check.

Thoughts on (STUPID) Self-Inducement ideas

Pregnant women are crazy. Especially in the last month of pregnancy. Once you pass that magical date that puts you at  37 weeks, just about every pregnant women thinks, "Is today going to be the day?"

Every twinge is obsessed about. Every "symptom" is googled: is this a sign of impending labor?

The answer is YES! Everything is a sign of impending labor!

AF-type Cramps? Yes!
Loose BMs? Yes!
Braxton Hicks contractions? Yes! (Times 1000 in my case. Every day. For weeks. And weeks)
Baby dropping? Yes!
Peeing more? Yes!
Sharp, stabbing pains in your cervix? Yes!
Nausea? Yes!
Hunger? Yes!
Exhaustion? Yes!
Increased energy? Yes!
Feeling serene? Yes!
Feeling anxious and crazy? Yes!

In fact, if you feel it, obsess about it, google it, post on pregnancy boards, and talk to your mommy friends, SOMEONE will tell you that "yes, I had that too! and I went into labor SOON!"

Well, if all of these symptoms are signs of early labor then I have been in early labor for about 4 weeks.

Everyone tells you when you are 37, 38, 39, 40 (and beyond?) weeks pregnant that you are ALMOST there! The baby will be here SOON!

Yes. In theory, this is true.

Except for the only "SOON" that means anything to the extremely pregnant woman is "today." Anything that is not "today" is NOT SOON!

Because pregnant women are crazy. Having the baby is all we can think about.

So because we are thinking about it so manically, we start to think, "How can I just get this baby out???"

Then the googling starts: How to Induce labor at home/naturally/myself

The internet will bring you SO many ideas! Ideas upon ideas! And testimonials from women who went into labor SOON (see above for definition of "SOON")!

However, if you spend enough hours with these self-inducement testimonials, you will see those Negative Nancy nay-sayers who say (insert snotty, high pitched voice here): "I tried that and it DIDN'T WORK FOR ME!"

"Pshaw, Negative Nancy!" You, the heavily pregnant woman, think. "Whatever! This will work for ME!"

So you try things. Things that I have tried with great hope!

And things that didn't work.

Let's start, shall we?

Fresh Pineapple: Along with pregnancy board mamas who SWEAR by this, I have personal friends who have eaten fresh pineapple and gone into labor SOON! In fact, one friend put a piece of pineapple in her mouth and her water broke (That was SO not a coincidence!)!

I thought, "Holy crap! I am trying this! Plus, I like pineapple a lot!

I didn't realize how much "a lot" a whole pineapple is. A whole pineapple is like 7 cups of fruit. In my wisdom, I divided it up into morning and evening doses. I ate and ate and ate those 7 cups of pineapple.  It was yummy!

It was really acidic.
In fact, my gums itched.
My tongue starting hurting.
My mouth felt kind of numb. 
By the end of my evening dose, I had a gigantic acid burn on my tongue.

But by golly, I was going to go into labor SOON! In fact, my water was going to break that night (since it didn't break the moment I put the pineapple in my mouth).

In fact, I think this is the night that I brought a bunch of towels into the bed with me because I was convinced that my water had broken.
Except when I woke up in the morning, there were no towels.
At all.
Stupid pregnancy dreams!

Well, along with the acid burn, the only thing the pineapple did was clear out my bowels the next day. Twice.

Ok. So much for that. I decided to move on. As in literally "move on."

Walking: Preggies swear by this. "WALK THAT BABY OUT! I walked and went into labor SOON!"

The only thing is, walking miles right before you go into labor contradicts with the other thing people tell you to do right before you have a baby: Rest.

So are you supposed to rest or walk?

I decided to walk. And walk.
And then I was exhausted. And then I thought, "If I am wearing myself out, how am I going to have energy to labor for hours and push that baby out?"

So I stopped walking. In fact, walking made my braxton hicks stop. Whatever. Stupid uterus doesn't know a good self-induction when it sees one.

Sex: You will see this idea all over the internet (that sounds dirty....not what I meant).

Well-meaning friends and relatives will give you a wink-wink-nudge-nudge and talk about doing "the big 'S'"

While there is actually scientific studies that show that DTD (doing the deed) will help kick-start your labor, I think people forget how unsexy 40 weeks pregnant is.

If you would like to be reminded, duct tape a 35 pound medicine ball to your stomach and then get your sexy on! Yep! Sizzlin' hot, right? Easy to do, right?

Riiiiight.

Caster Oil: I am not this desperate. I heard it basically tears you a new one. With hemorrhoids.

I could go on:
Evening Primrose oil? Been taking that for 3 weeks. Nada
Eggplant? not a fan.
Eating spicy food? I regularly eat spicy food so...that would be nothing new.
Spreading my legs wide, pushing on my belly, and screaming "GET OUT!"? Yeah, my sister-in-law tried that. She said it didn't work.

Basically what those pregnancy boards, friends, family, and my doula actually revealed is this: If the baby isn't ready to come, he won't come.

If the at home labor inducement techniques "worked," it probably meant that you were going to go into labor SOON anyways. Early labor is all hormonal, not instigated by anything a woman tortures herself with.

So, here I wait. At that lovely number: 40.

Who knows? Maybe writing seriously bitter blog posts about stupid self-inducement ideas will put me into labor.

"Ants are delicious!" Or what Micah did at school today

This is an actual conversation we had with Micah (4 years old) tonight at dinner:

Micah: I ate ants at school today!

Me: (horrified) You ate ANTS???

Micah: Yeah! I ate them outside! They were delicious!

Aaron: (laughing) They were?! 

Micah: Yeah...some were yucky though. But some were good! 

Me: (horrified silence)

Aaron: (grinning) Some were yucky? Why were they yucky?

Micah: The red ones were yucky. They were so crunchy!

Aaron: Crunchy, huh?

Me: (in shock, mouth gaping open)

Micah: Yeah, but the black ones were soft! They were yummy!

Me: PLEASE DON'T EAT ANTS AT SCHOOL!!!!!!

Micah: But I ate them outside. But I didn't eat worms. 

Aaron: No worms, huh?

Micah: No, they were so squishy....

I didn't find out if he actually ate worms. I don't think he did. 

But I really, really don't want to know. 

Police Officer and PJs OR Why you should get dressed before 9:30am

This is the story of intense embarrassment and children who tell lies.

It was a typical morning.

And by typical I mean, I was lounging in my tiny nightie at 9:30 am.

I had just made a nice cup of French Vanilla coffee and was taking a sweet sip when I happened to look out the window.

I saw a police car.

I saw a police officer...

...walking up to my front door.

"Oh crap!!!"

I ran my 8 month pregnant self to my bedroom and grabbed the only robe that currently covers my body.

"DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR YET, BOYS!" I yell from the bedroom.

The next thing I hear is the door opening and two perky 4 year old voices saying, "HI!"

Oh crap. Why won't this robe go on????

"Is your mommy or daddy here?" I hear the police officer ask.

"No!" Both boys say in unison. "Daddy's at work."

No mention of mommy who is struggling to put the wrong arm in the wrong sleeve of the robe.

"Hmm....Your mommy and Daddy aren't home?" (Probably thinking: I may need to call Social Services.)

Me: (mentally screaming!) Go to your home, stupid robe sleeve! 

Finally the arms get in the right holes. QUICK! wrap robe over ginormous belly and make sure décolletage is covered. Realize that robe no longer comes to my knees....

"YES! YES! I am here!" I run to the door.

I realize that my children are grinning at the police officer in all their whitey-tighty glory.

I also remember that I haven't showered in two days.

Thankfully the officer seems unfazed and hands me a subpoena for my husband, Aaron (who witnessed a domestic violence episode a few months ago and gave a police report about it).

Four minutes later the police officer leaves.

However, it takes several hours for my intense mortification to go away.

The moral of this story is:

Teach your children to NOT ANSWER THE DOOR without a parent.

And....get dressed before 9:30am.

There once was a guinea pig and a bird....

There once was a guinea pig and a lovebird....

 The bird loved the guinea pig. 

The guinea pig tolerated the bird. 

One day, he was kind enough to share his food with her. 

The bird was ecstatic! 

Her love for the guinea pig grew. 

Now she likes to feed the guinea pig hay through the bars of his cage. 

The guinea pig likes this. 

He also likes to bite the bird's feet. 

Then the bird screams at the guinea pig. 

But she still loves him. 

The end. 

"I'm NINE!" The story of a sneaky Benjamin

My friend Michelle babysat the boys on Monday and she had a conversation with the boys where they told her that, yes! they were twins. :)

It was snack time so after deciding on Ritz crackers ("We want Ritz!" in unison), she asked Micah, "How old are you?"

"Four!" he replied.

She carefully counted out one, two, three, four crackers for him.

She then turned to Benji, who was carefully watching this exchange.

"Benji," Michelle asked. "How old are you?"

Benji's little eyes sparkled, his little wheels in his head spinning furiously.

"NINE!"

Michelle burst out laughing.

"How old are you?"

"Nine!" Benji squeaked.

And he cracked the a little smile. He knew how this game worked.

And "nine" was probably the biggest number he could think of on the spot.

Sneaky, clever little boy.

(he did not get nine crackers)

So, did you know I have twins, one who is 4 and one who is 9? Yeah, I didn't either.

MICAH! Those are NOT band-aids!!!!

When your child is in the bathroom too long, it a good idea to check on him.

Aaron was mortified. 

I was laughing so hard I was crying.

Aaron firmly informed Micah: Those are NOT band-aids!!!

Kids say (and DO!) the darndest things: 2011 in Review

I went through my Facebook status updates and copied them ALL the other day (took me about 6 hours in total). People are always telling me to write down the funny (or super-sweet) things the boys do and say so HERE THEY ARE! 

The Meng twin funnies for 2011! 

Feb 6: ‎Instead of sleeping, my three-year-old child decided to poop his pants and destroy his room. I put him back to bed and took some advil.

Feb 9: (To Debbie) Remind me to tell you how my kid peed on a wall in public last night....

Feb 24: the boys are wrestling and spitting on each other. They seem to like it. (???)

March 7: my son is trying to stick a blown-up balloon up his bare bum because he wants to be a stegaraurus. Oh my word...

March 15: earlier today, the boys were pretending to be knights. Swords? Painbrush and plastic pipe. Dragon? The vacuum.

April 15: looking forward to playgroup today. Oh, have I got a story to share....let's just call it "The Great Vasaline Disaster of Last Night" by Micah Meng

April 17: ‎(any parent with a sense of humor should appreciate this): Benji:(very excited and proud) I made a big hotdog!!!

April 20: my son just learned that if one places a small metal car in the microwave, it will produce big fireworks.

April 24: WHY OH WHY do my children do they things they do? Blog post coming soon....(poop and baby powder)

April 30: it's all fun and games until someone poops his pants....at Kids Cove

May 10: ‎:Benji is sleeping with 3 Gideon New Testaments under his pillow tonight.

May 13: just tried on my full regalia for tomorrow. Micah asked if I was a policeman and Benji said I looked silly! LOL!

May 31: Benji said to me: You are the best ever! :D

June 1: while giving Micah a hug I said, "I love my boy!" He kissed me and said, "I like my girl!" ::heart-melting::

June 6: Dollar store water guns = euphoric happiness for 3 year old boys

June 18: at 3.5, Micah is a comedian in the making--complete with a hysterical funny voice

June 24: Micah gave me a SpiderMan bandaid so I could "feel better." What a sweetie.

June 29: Me: (holding Benji's hand) Your hands are nice and warm. Benji: Yours are nice and cold. :)

July 2: at 27 years old, I just got my first temporary tattoo, courtesy of my children. I am now cool.

July 3: The boys' reactions to the fireworks: "It's a party!" "Ooooh! That's so cool!" "Let's do that again!!"

July 7: Benji: Daddy, we're watching "Stick in the Booty" (aka "Sleeping Beauty")

July 13: kids are disgusting (It really wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Benji peed while standing on the toilet--while it was closed. Just completely fed up and grossed out)

July 19: ‎:BENJI! Eat your food! Ketchup is NOT a food group!

July 21: Biting and hanger throwing....just a few ways my boys have "loved" each other today...

July 24: Micah (pointing to the Trix box): See that bunny? That spells delicious!

July 26: wet pj's at 5:30; poop in the hallway at 6:30. Good morning Tuesday...you've got to go up from here....

July 27: my son calls me, "Honey." Cute or Freudian?

July 28: we asked the boys what they would name a guinea pig (if we got one); Benji said, "Squeaky!" Awww!

July 30: Benji (at 7pm): I want to go to the moon! (I just put him back to bed (at 9:40) because he was up staring out his widow at the moon--"Look, mommy! Look! See the moon?")

Aug 16: the boys seem to think that the arm of the armchair is a napkin. Ew.

Aug 18: both boys de-pantsed themselves at at preschool orientation today. Yea.

Aug 25: Benji lost his shoe this morning (a frequent occurrence). His first response when I said "WE HAVE TO FIND YOUR SHOE!" was "I want to pray!" Maybe I am doing something right....

Aug 25: Boys to their preschool teacher-- Micah: "When it rains, I grow antlers." Benji: "When it rains, I get a bit crazy!" Those are my sons.

Aug 28: my children are laughing like maniacs at AFV. It might be worth it to video tape them watching it!

Aug 30: this morning Micah tattled to Aaron that Benji had peed in a cup. Sure enough, when questioned, Benji proudly pointed to a small plastic kids cup on his bedroom floor. Just another typical day in the Meng household...

Aug 31: I think it is time to get out of the house. The boys are rolling around the living room floor like two scrappy little puppies.

Sept 1: Aaron superglued my glasses back together this morning. They were supposed to be indestructible according to the sales lady at my eye doctor. Apparently, twin boys were not on the "destruction" radar...

Sept 3: Aaron is teaching the boys to play Wii golf. They are so excited they can't even pay attention to our attempts to give them directions...

Sept 3: Micah (while he is playing golf): Mommy, when I say "SCORE!" you say "YEA!" ok?

Sept 13: Micah: Can I watch The Lion and the Woodchip (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)?

Sept 19: tried to pick out a birthday card for Aaron at Walmart today: The boys picked My Little Pony, Tangled, and Dora, and "You're FIVE!" Cars cards. I decided we should shop another day.

Sept 26: the boys talked to each other on the phone for the first time tonight (1st time they have been away from each other for the whole night). There were many "I love you's" exchanged.

Sept 28: we heard a child crying in another room and I suggested we pray for him/her. Benji prayed: Dear God, thank you for him to feel better. Help him with the medicine in his bottom. Amen. (I don't think the memory of the enema is going away any time soon). Thanks for all your prayers for US!

Oct 2: So, the guinea pig's name is...."KITTEN"! HAHAH! Benji named him. Blog post with pictures coming soon! In Micah's words: Mommy, the guinea pig makes me happy!

Oct 10: GAH! My children are going to put me in the insane asylum!

Oct 16: I've been cleaning my bathroom floors multiple times a day thanks for my little boys' insistence on standing up to do their business

Oct 19: I am convinced that my children emit an invisible slime that is both sticky and grainy and have slimed every hard surface in my house

Oct 21: My kids got up at 2:45am, convinced it was morning (put them back to bed). Then they got up at the crack of dawn and together devoured a half a bag of candy corn before I got up. Benji then proceeded to sing Veggie Tales songs at the top of his lungs, with a strong resemblance to the musical masterpiece, The Flight of the Bumblebee.

Oct 23: Micah: Mommy, I pee wild? Me: No, Micah, please. Do not pee wild.

Oct 27: At school this morning, I heard Micah correct a friend for the first time with, "No, I'm Micah. Not Benji!" I'm afraid it won't be the last time, son.

Nov 7: When Micah grows up....he wants to have a big knife. Guess which profession he associates this with (blog post)

Nov 10: Micah: Mommy, you so really cute! You look like Kalina! :D

Nov 14: the boys are "playing" the piano together while singing the "Bob the Builder!" theme song. :)

Nov 18: maybe letting the boys watch the Narnia movies is a mistake...all they want to do is reenact the fight scenes....UG

Nov 18: hearing "Hey there Big Mommy" from your son just doesn't have the same ring to it as saying "Hey there Big Guy" to your son...

Nov 22: Micah keeps saying "Humpy Dumpy" (aka Humpty Dumpty) and it is making me giggle...

Nov 27: Micah: Mommy, I like crack! (referring the nut-cracker on the mantle)

Nov 30: just successfully played Candy Land with Micah! (Benji is at the doctor) Click like if you realize what am amazing accomplishment this is for a hyperactive 4 year old! :)

Dec 2: No son, eating all of Mommy's chocolate was not "an accident"! So much for my teacher gift...:P

Dec 4: ‎"BOYS! Trying to pee in the potty at the same time is NOT a good idea!!!!!"

Dec 17: just pulled a 3 lb ball of wet toilet paper plus two empty toilet paper rolls out of my toilet. GAH!! Thank God he did not try to flush!

Dec 22: Micah: "We went to the grocery store and got some grosch" Makes sense, right?

Dec 23: tonight while we were in the car, Benji could NOT stop talking about Santa coming (even though we haven't talked about Santa hardly at all!). Micah, annoyed, just kept saying loudly, "Santa's NOT HERE! Santa's NOT HERE!" HAHAHA!

Dec 26: the boys are playing football...with an imaginary ball. Seems to be working out pretty well for them. Must be a twin thing. :)

Want more? Click on "Humor" under Labels on the right and read to your heart's content! :) 

"Squeeze your cheeks!"

We only have one bathroom and inevitably, sometimes the boys have to go to the bathroom at the same time. If it's #1, we usually have one of them pee in the tub. Gross, right? But ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

Last night though, both their little bowels were in sync and Micah got to the potty first. Benji came running back to the dinning room where Aaron and I were talking and frantically said, "I gotta go poop too!!"

Me: Well, baby, you need to hold it! Can you do that?
Aaron: Yeah, squeeze your cheeks, son!

Benji looked at us for a second and then pressed his little palms to his face and squeezed.

I hope that helped. :D

Disclaimer: No accidents occurred during the making of this story.

Poop Squirrel: A True Story

Scene: Meng Family riding in the car on the way home from church. Suddenly a very strong skunk smell fills the air.

Micah: I smell some-fing.
Mommy: That is a skunk.
Micah: No...that's not a skunk! That's a squirrel.
Mommy: A squirrel? No, a skunk made that bad smell.
Micah: No, not a skunk. That bad smell is a POOP Squirrel.
Mommy: (loosing it laughing) A poop squirrel?
Micah: Yes. A poop squirrel.

(...just the beginning of the poop stories and jokes of the day. Guess we have entered "that" stage.

LOL.

How much drama can one dinner-time hold? A 3 year-old demonstration

My friends with girls have bemoaned the fact that their 3-4 year old girls are dramatic. I think it's just the age. 

My dear first-born has learned the art of the fake cry, complete with big ol' tears and convincing "a-HEH! a-HEH!" sobbing. Though I am usually pretty compassionate when it comes to my kids crying, sometimes the fake-drama just gets old.

For example, tonight at dinner Micah cried because:

...we asked him what he liked at the pet store today (somehow this question produced intense anger)

...because he wanted cheetos ("not until you finish your sandwich")

...because he wanted a kitten (like we saw at the pet store)

...because he wants a BB gun (no, son)

...because he put all his kool-aid in his mouth at once, swished it around, thereby inducing a fit of coughing, and spewed kool-aid all over his shirt and food.

...because mommy yelled at him for spewing kool-aid everywhere (ok, I am guilty on this account)

...because his food was wet.

...because he wanted cheetos

...because he wanted a kitten

....because mommy would not let him have cheetos until he ate his sandwich

...because his food was wet

...because Brother had cheetos (Brother ate his food)

....because the cheeto mascot reminded him of a toy he lost at Kids Cove 3 weeks ago

....because his food was wet and he WANTED CHEETOS!

Finally, he decided to eat his food. And he got a small handful of cheetos.

Holy crap. D.R.A.M.A.

Dinner and a show, right?

Yeah, right.

Wishful Spelling

I will do a long post about our SURPRISE TRIP TO KANSAS soon but I wanted to share this quick story about the boys before I forget....

We were flying home to VA yesterday and were served yummy Delta ginger snap cookies. The letters D E L T A are printed on the cookie. I decided to SEIZE THE TEACHABLE MOMENT and have Micah name the letters on the cookie.

Me: Micah, can you name these letters?
Micah: Sure! D-E-L-T-A
Me: That spells "Delta"
Micah: No, Mommy. That spells "cookie"

HAHAHA! Gotta love that kid!

(the really funny thing is, I had some leftover cookies on our next flight and asked Benji do do the same thing. He had the EXACT same response (no-mommy-that-spells-cookie). Sheesh! You would think they were twins or something! ;)

A picture is worth 1000 words OR My life as a mother of twins

(it took two adults to get this off)

Double Trouble--the Meng Twins strike again!

So, I was having a nice Easter conversation with my sister during the boys' naptime today when I heard my husband bellow:
BRIT! COME IN HERE BEFORE I KILL SOMEONE!!!

I sweetly informed my sister that my husband seemed to be needing some assistance and skipped lightly to the boys room.

Their room where they were supposed to be napping.

Napping so that their father and I could pull ourselves together so we could do three-year-old-twin-parenting for the second half of the day.

I got to the door of their room and my jaw dropped.

It was white. As in white as snow.

Except it was baby powder. Covering EVERYTHING. The walls, the beds, floor, toys, books, sheets, pillows, blankets, EVERYTHING. Pure white. Everywhere.

Except where there was poop.

Everywhere.

On the walls, on the floor, on the sheets, pillows, stuffed animals, little pieces of stuffing that they pulled out of pillows.

Yep, everywhere.

My children were white. Covered. Encrusted in powder.

And poop covered.

My husband was angry.

No, that is too mild a word. Perhaps "ballistic" might suit better.

All I could do was laugh. (I have discovered that this is my go-to response when I feel completely out of control. Funny, huh?) How do you start to clean up a mess of such epic (and I mean epic!) proportions?

I wish we had gotten a picture of the mess. It was pretty amazing. How do two such young children wreak such havoc in such a short time? Amazing.

Sadly, Aaron and I were in such a..um..delicate...emotional state to take a picture.

Here is some of the aftermath though. This is AFTER we vacuumed with our regular vacuum AND the shop vac, AND scrubbed the, shall we say, "messes" off the floor.

 After their long, rather cold bath. 

Look at their guilty faces

 Cleaning up

24 oz of pure mess. Yep, it was empty. 

The ironic thing is that I don't even USE baby powder anymore! I should have just thrown it away a long time ago (or given it away!) 

It took us 45 minutes to clean everything up. 

WHAT possesses my children? WHAT??? Can someone enlighten me into the minds of the three-year-old twin boys??

(I haven even written blog posts about the Vassaline/Vick Baby Rub incident of last Saturday. The kicker? Micah planted the "evidence" (the bottles of Vassaline that he smeared all over his body, head, blankets, pillow, books and brother) in Benji's sleeping arms. That's love, I tell you. True brotherly love. 

Oh! And I could also write about how Benji stuck is metal car in the microwave and started it. Can you say fireworks and freaked out mommy??? Good thing I was near by and stopped it immediately!) 

Stay tuned...I'm sure the Meng twins will strike again soon....

Goldie: my kitchen-maid

As most mothers of young children (or any children?) I feel like I am constantly cleaning up messes. At the boys' request, I made pancakes this morning--not the most clean breakfast. The boys inevitably end up smelling like syrup for the rest of the day.

Goldie was trying her darnest to get a taste of pancake while the boys were eating. She keeps getting closer and closer to the boys (her nose is right at their laps, where all the goodies are). I kept telling her to LAY DOWN--her cue to back up, and up, and again, until she is a good 4 feet away on the carpet.

Well, speaking of messes and the dog, apparently the two go together quite nicely in the boys' mind, but not in the way you might think.

Here is a little conversation we had near the end of breakfast:

SCENE: Micah is schmooling his pancake (for a definition of "schmoodle" see this post, except for this schmoodling WAS fit for the dog, apparently)

Me: Micah, please don't crumble your pancake up. That makes a big mess for mommy.
Micah: But, W-H-H-H-Y-Y-Y? (this has become a very common phrase in our house)
Me: Because I will have to clean it up. (then I thought better) Or you will have to clean it up.
Micah: But Mom, Goldie will just clean it with her tongue.

I laughed out loud. Yes, it's true. (the boy is already thinking up clever ways to get out of work)

Goldie, my little kitchen-maid, do your thing, girl.

Unlike the boys, she didn't need any encouragement from me to clean up after breakfast.

Conversations with small children will make you feel a little crazy...

Here is a conversation I had with my 3 year old son this morning. It is a wonder more mothers are not certifiably insane.

SCENE: Bathroom. MOMMY is picking up a plethora of toys from the bottom of the tub. MICAH comes into the bathroom.

MICAH: Mommy, I wanna take a bath!
ME: No, honey, we're not going to take a bath right now. I want you go to watch TV.
MICAH: But I don't wanna watch TV.
ME: Ok, do you want me to turn it off?
MICAH: No!
(Pause)
MICAH: Mommy, what are you doing?
ME: I am going to take a shower.
MICAH: Mommy! What are you do-o-o-o-ing??
ME: Micah. Listen. I am going to take. a. shower.
MICAH: But I don't want to take a shower!
ME: No! I am going to take a shower!
MICAH: NO!

MICAH exits to go watch TV.

GAH! Seriously, no wonder women talk their husbands ears off when they come home from work!