Baby Clothes

A friend of mine is adopting a new baby soon--her birth mother is still pregnant and the baby could arrive any day; in fact, the baby could be premature. She asked me if I had any preemie clothes that I would be willing to give her. I said YES! Of course!

And my heart sunk a little. Not because I'm not thrilled for her or that I don't want to give my clothes away. It is just hard to part with such itty-bitty sweet baby outfits that my itty-bitty-barely-four-pound twins wore when they came home from the hospital. I actually have been hoarding their preemie clothes in a big plastic bag in my basement, keeping them all to myself for....Um...I don't know.

There are no babies in my immediate future and God willing, we will not have another preemie.

So I said, YES! Of Course!

I can't hang on the them forever. They are just SITTING in my basement. That is silly. And a little selfish. Especially when this new little baby could use them.

So I dug them out of the basement tonight and sorted through them. The look brand new--after all, babies grow so fast and don't really "do" anything to wear the clothes out. And they were so tiny and cute.

What happened? how did my babies get so big? It is amazing.

Aaron watched me sort though the clothes and asked me if it was hard to let them go. I said yes--with a lump in my throat. The clothes are attached to so many memories. But like I said, I don't need them anymore and the right thing to do is let them go, especially if someone else can use them.

I did keep a few outfits for myself--I just had to.

My babies are not babies anymore. It is sad. But it is happy too. They are healthy and growing, loving and wonderful. They are able to talk to me, hug me, kiss me, and say "I love you Mommy!" They had a blast when we went putt-putting and go-cart riding for the first time on Saturday. Only little boys can do things like that. So growing up is good.

But just like the clothes, it is hard to let the baby stage go.

(Compare this to the picture on my heading...)

How I'm doing

CAUTION: LONG post coming up...
So, after my "rant" the other day I had quite a bit of response--either by facebook, phone, or face-to-face with people. It seem like most moms, especially with little children, can relate.

In an effort to be honest, I thought I would blog about how I'm doing this week--for real. :)

We all started school this week! On Monday the boys were so excited about everything! Time to line up? OK! YEA!!! Time to each lunch? ALL RIGHT! YEA!! Outside? YEA YEA YEA! The director said she had never seen kids so excited about everything. She loved it!

On Tuesday the boys were ready to go to school again and said "Hi Miss Claude-i-a!" as soon as they went in their room. So cute. Micah was a little sad when I left. So was I.

That night I think it finally hit me that this preschool thing is for real. Like an all-day-big-deal. Like my life as a stay at home mom is over--maybe for good. And then the tears came--a lot. Most moms cry on the first day that their kids start school. I guess it didn't hit me till the end of day two. (Though I did cry a few weeks ago...)

Wednesday Micah was really sad and did not want me to leave. And after my breakdown the night  before...well let's just say I was equally sad when I left my little boy, walked out of the room and heard him calling, "Mommy! Mommy!" Wow, that is hard to even write. :(

I have been able to call and talk to their teachers every afternoon to see how they are doing. Miss Candace and Miss Claudia have assured me that Micah stops crying 1-2 minutes after I leave and quickly gets excited about the next event of the day. Both boys LOVE playing outside, playing with cars, eating breakfast and lunch. Both have taken good naps in the afternoon and have gone on the potty every day! I am very proud.

Benji is doing fine emotionally. He barely even notices when I leave--I have to steal a kiss from that active little guy! He is so excited about "friends!" and loves his teachers. He is such a sweetie--though he keeps them on their toes because he is so active.

I hope and pray that Micah will feel assured and more and more comfortable about going to school every day. I know it is a big change for him. It is a big change for me.

I came home for a bit on Monday and when I walked into the empty house, I realized that this is the very first time I had been at home and the boys had not been there--ever. Like since they have been born. It was a very strange feeling--a little sad and a little nice and a LOT quiet. :)

I have been able to get SO much done during the day when I am at home. Housework is a snap! I have been able to get chores done in an hour or less when it would have taken me all morning. I have also been able to walk Goldie every day. It has been nice to get outside, get exercise, and spend some time with my furry baby. She is such a better dog when she walks every day--like she doesn't run away every time I let her out to do her business.

I remarked to someone earlier this week that I felt amazing! I hadn't yelled at anyone, been frustrated, irritated or had to resist smacking anyone's bottom all morning. Amazing! Like I said in my previous post, being a mom is emotionally exhausting at times. I was struggling with my anger every day, trying not to get worked up about things like messes, fighting over toys, delayed obedience, or when my child decides to head-butt me in the chest. So, for that reason, it is NICE to have the boys in preschool--it helps me to appreciate them more when I am with them and not focus so much on the irritations of motherhood or how tired I am.

But I miss the hugs. I miss the kisses. I miss the excited "Hey Mommy!" from my little Micah and Benji. I miss the excitement of every new thing they discover. I miss knowing exactly what they do every day--every potty success, what they eat, how much they slept, what they played with. It is hard for me to let go.

During my breakdown on Tuesday night, Aaron reminded me that our boys are growing up and as they grow, I have to let them go. I bawled "I'm not ready to let them go yet!" It seems too soon. But I know that having them in the ELC is the  best decision for our family this semester as I try to finish up grad school. It is a hard decision and even this morning as I left Micah crying when I said goodbye, I questioned (again) if it was the "right" decision. I said a prayer for him and myself. I know I just have to trust the Lord that he will take care of me and my children while we are away from each other.

After all, He knows what is like to be a parent--and all the struggles that come along with that.

First Day of School

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL for both me an the boys. This was the only picture I got this morning, bright and early at 6:45am. YAWN! My day is off to a good start and I hope the boys are doing well too. I haven't cried....yet.

BTW, this is my 100th post! WOOT!

T-shirt to Cardigan: A Refashion

I have been thinking about this project for a while and since tomorrow is the first day of school, I decided to make myself a "new" article of clothing. Here is my version of a t-shirt to cardigan refashion. 

Before

After! 

I cut off the sleeves at the elbow and then cut "leaf" shapes from the extra materiel for the "ruffle" effect. I also added a hook and eye for the closure. 

I love how it turned out! Light, summery, and perfect for layering. 

"How are YOU, Mom?"

Moms, ever notice that after you have kids, no one asks how you are anymore? Oh, people will do it in around about way. They'll ask "how is the baby sleeping?" in an effort to discover if you, poor soul, are getting sleep at night. I have even done this from time to time. But why don't people come out and really ask, "so, how are YOU doing, Mom?"

Some people do, bless their hearts, and if the mom is having a really horrible day and has had no adult conversation for a very. long. time, she will most likely word vomit all over the person who asked this unassuming question (usually the little old lady at church). And no one likes vomit very much.

Maybe that's why people are afraid to ask mothers how they are--because motherhood can be such a hard, demanding, isolating, thankless job. At times, of course. And we mothers DO try and focus on the other side of the coin.

I think that's why people ask: "How are your kids?" or in my case "How are the boys/twins?"

They don't want to hear about the ugly side of motherhood--they side where mommy confesses that she is tired, stressed out, surviving-on-coffee, irritated, and feeling invisible. So it is better, safer, much more pleasant to ask about the kids. After all, kids are cute, sweet, and wonderful all the time…right?

No one answers the question, "How are your kids?" like this: "Well, today they were really whinny, snotty, and clingy. My son peed on the couch and my daughter dumped her oatmeal on the dogs head. By the way, thanks for asking how I'm doing."

No, being the socially aware people that we are, we answer, "The kids are great/adorable/learning so much these days. Growing up too fast."

And we smile. We mean our "safe" answer, of course. But often it isn't really how the kids (or we!) are at that moment. And the well meaning person usually never follows up the question with how you, as the mother, are doing.

The thing is, I DO want to talk about the boys--I love talking about my kids. But the gracious hand of "how are you?" is rarely extended to me. Why is this?  Though "Mommy" is a role I treasure and proudly display, is not the only "hat" I wear.

So, what is the point in all this? I suppose it is a this gentle reminder: Don't assume that because the kids are well that the mom is too. Being a mother is complicated and it comes with daily challenges and a plethora of feelings.

What if we challenged ourselves to do this: Next time we greet a fellow mom, ask how she is--really ask. She may lie (we all do) because it is hard to be honest about the maternal struggles we all go through. But you will know that you did your part to make that mother feel less invisible, or as "only" the mommy to the adorable children that you admire so much. A mother is first a woman--a beautiful, complicated, intelligent, emotional, sensitive human being who wants to be noticed and known.

And after you've asked about her, don't forget to ask about her kids. She might get mad if you don't. ;)

The Paper Bag Skirt

When I saw this tutorial for the Paper Bag skirt, I just knew I had to try and make one for myself.  I had some brown material left over from the boys' backpacks and since I love brown as a neutral, it was perfect for the skirt. It was fun to make an up-and-coming style on my own.

This project went together really easily. It has a side zipper that I was pretty nervous about putting in but since my mom was visiting, I took advantage of her sewing expertise and she guided me through the process (it really wasn't that hard). 

The most "difficult" part was getting the pleats to be both symmetrical and snug around my waist. But the whole thing came together in less than  two days. I started it at 9pm on Sunday night and finished it the next afternoon before I went to class. 

I absolutely love this skirt!!! Go ahead--make one of your own!

Side Flower Headband

I have been noticing this type of headband recently in pictures of my friends and in popular fashion. I think the style is so cute! So I decided to make one of my own. It took about half an hour. Since I don't like plastic headbands, I made mine out of all material with a bit of elastic at the bottom to hold it in place. The flowers are simply gathered material sewn in a circle. I love how it turned out! 

"It's Poop"

I drink my coffee really sweet. I love dumping a large amount of flavored creamer in my cup of joe every morning. And the boys love to sneak a taste every now and then. In fact, I often pour a little creamer into their milk so they can have "coffee milk." The LOVE it.

This morning, my dad had left a little coffee in his his cup and the boys wanted to drink it. The thing is, my dad drinks his coffee black. I told the boys they could try it--I was looking forward (in mean mom fashion) to the "icky face."

I wasn't disappointed.

Benji took a gulp (the coffee was cold) and made a great face.

Benji: It's YUCKY!
Me: It's yucky?
Benji: Yeah. It's poop.
Me: (lose it laughing)

I guess cold, black coffee tastes like poop to a two-year old. Actually, I tend to agree. Bring on the french vanilla creamer, baby!

Seriously?

So, I decided to put ads on my blog. This was a decision I went back and forth on but after having over 1400 hits (ok, a bunch few of those are me viewing my own blog) in 2-3 months, and learning that placing ads on your blog can generate income (ha! we will see...any money is better than nothing when you are a poor student/SAHM), I decided to take the plunge.

I set up everything this afternoon and realized how computer illiterate I am. Google Ads is supposed to match ads to the content on your blog, in my case, sewing, kids, crafts, parenting, grad student, etc. So you can imagine my surprise when I visited my blog this evening and witnessed an ad for tattoo design!! LOL! Stay tuned folks: there will be pics uploaded very soon of my rockin' new tats and a tutorial for designing your own tattoos soon!!

(I think it takes a few days for Google Ads to match the ads to you content...we'll see how this works out...)

The BAM Backpack

I made the boys backpacks for school. This is my own pattern--I call it the BAM backpack. I absolutely LOVE how they turned out and the boys love them too. Enjoy the pics!!!

**Would anyone be interested in a pattern/tutorial for this project? Leave a comment and let me know!

Fully lined inside with elasticized opening

Side pocket for little boy treasures

Elastic pocket for a drink

Adjustable straps

Velcro straps to hold a blanket

The BAM backpack in action

My little model (Benjamin)

Blankie is ready to go

The BAM backpacks (for my Benji And Micah)