If you want relationships, you have to make them happen

When did relationships get so hard? I'm not talking about romance. I am extremely happy with my love life and adorable, though scraggly, husband.

I mean other relationships: FRIENDSHIPS.

In the past two years I feel like my friendships have gotten tossed on the back burner. And I mean like the way back burner, like the old stove that is rusting to pieces in the back yard.

Ok, I am exaggerating a bit.

But here is the truth: I get lonely and I want people to want to spend time with me.

When I was in high school and college, I really wanted a mentor. I wanted someone to notice that I was special and smart, a girl who just need a bit of attention and wisdom. I hoped and prayed that THE woman at church or THE professor would just take notice of me and ask me out to coffee.

It never happened. I was crushed.

Now that I am older (and less annoyingly needy), this longing for relationships has given me a startling kick-in-the-pants truth: If I want relationships, I usually have to make them happen myself.

If I want to get to know that student or offer some advice, I have to ask her out for coffee.

If I miss my mom friend, I shouldn't just write on her Facebook wall "I miss you! Let's get together soon!" Rather, I should call or text: "Hey, what day can we get together this week?"

If I am always canceling on a single friend who loves evening get-togethers, I need to offer a weekend alternative: "How about Saturday brunch?"

I find myself cringing when I say enthusiastically, "We should get together!" and then never doing anything about it.

Relationships take work:
Initiative
Creativity
Planning
Babysitters
Follow-through
Sacrifice

And…sometimes openness to being hurt. Last fall semester, I really desired to build relationships with some of my former students (something I wanted in college, remember?). I contacted them (10-12) and offered a weekly "Sunday Supper" at my house. I had visions of great food, rousing discussions, lots of laughter, and deep mentoring relationships being formed.

I didn't count on hurt feelings. But it happened sometimes. Weeks when no one showed up. Or other weeks when students were so late that dinner was cold (no apology or explanation). Opening up my home meant opening up my heart and that made me vulnerable to hurt.

But it was worth it.  Not for the "thank you's" or "You didn't have to do this!" but for the fact that I could offer a bit of solace to students during such a busy and tumultuous time in their lives. I also got to laugh a lot, play games, and indulge in fancy deserts that I wouldn't usually make for my immediate family.

We didn't do "Sunday Suppers" in the spring semester (mostly because of my miscarriage and recovery…I just couldn't pull it together) but I've recognized other desires in my life.

Like, I miss my "English" friends and discussing literature on a regular basis. I haven't taught English on campus in a long time and I was starting to get really down.

So, out of pure self-pity and literature withdrawal, I decided to start a Jane Austen Book Club this summer.

(My other motivation is that reading Austen is just amazingly fun so, really, I didn't need those other excuses).

I've had a healthy amount of interest in the club so far so I think it will be a good time when we start in June.

I guess the point of all these stories is this: If you are lonely, have a need, want a friend….reach out and strive to make your relationships happen!

It won't always work, but, as I have learned, if I want relationships in my life, I have to seek them out, invite people over, ask that person out for coffee, and make an effort to invest in people.

Because investing in people is worth it. But to invest, sometimes you have to take the first step and make it happen.

Have I buried my "talent" in the ground?

When I was in Jr. high and High school, I remember hearing numerous sermons preached on The Parable of the Talents. (Click on the link to read from Matthew 25).

Source

The parable challenges listeners to consider how they are using the "talents" the  master has given them: Are you investing two fold, five fold, ten fold? or are you the wicked servant buries his master's money in the dirt?

I remember fervently praying, searching my soul and heart's desires: What were MY talents? Was I using what God had given me?

Many of my youth pastors and summer camp speakers transliterated "talent" (a sum of money) to the modern day English version of "talent": a gifting, or natural ability. Clever, right?

Well, sort of. In my adolescent mind, I squished this parable neatly into the definition of "how am I using my gifting or natural abilities to serve the Lord?"

As a teen, I eagerly identified my talents as musical so I played the piano for the offering and sang specials during the service.

In college, I used my leadership abilities to become a prayer leader on my dorm.

As an adult, I have honed my creative writing skills and answered the "call" to write graphic novels to help end Human Trafficking in the USA.

I was (and am!) using my "talents" for the Lord, just like this parable says!

But this thought struck me this Sunday at church during the sermon: Am I really using ALL that the Lord has given me for his glory? Or am I burying the uncomfortable parts of my life in the ground, parts that are painful and messy?

Can my pain and suffering be used for his glory?**

Sometimes we think that God could never use pain and suffering like:

An eating disorder
An unplanned pregnancy
Filing for bankruptcy
Divorce
A boring job
A car accident
Chronic health problems
Estranged family members
Miscarriage 
And so much more….

So often, my response to pain and suffering is to complain about it, wish my life was different, or "bury it" in the ground, wanting to forget it ever happened.

But God has shown me recently that, if I ask him, he will show me how he can using anything to serve him, if we are actively looking for the redemption of our suffering and pain.

What if we looked at everything we have been "given" in life as a way to bring glory to Lord?

We can "bury" these "talents" in the ground; or we can pray and seek and search and invest in life, and hope, and redemption, seeking to return two, five and tenfold to our Master when He comes, our ears longing for these words: "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" 



**The unanswered question here is "Does God bring pain and suffering into our lives?" I don't know. Perhaps. Perhaps not. The real question is, can I use what I have been "given" in my life for His glory?

Meng Menu

Sunday: Grilled steak, sour cream and chive mashed potatoes, corn on the cob

Monday: Tacos

Tuesday: Asian chicken thighs, rice, broccoli

Wednesday: BLTs, chips, carrots and celery

Thursday: Grilled pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans

Friday: Out to eat

Saturday: Biscuits and gravy, smoothies

Sunday: Sloppy joes, chips, Green beans

Monday: Pan Chicken, rice w/gravy, green beans

Tuesday:  Grilled chicken thighs, baked beans, broccoli w/ cheese

Wednesday: Hot dogs, chips, carrots and celery

Thursday: Baked fish fillets, pasta w/ sauce, peas

Friday: Out to eat

Saturday: Pancakes, turkey sausage, fruit

I am glad to be done with grocery shopping for the next two weeks. I felt like I was using the cart as a walker today. Eight weeks pregnant and I am SO TIRED. Plus everything smelled really strongly at the store, especially the meat department and the deli (Fried chicken…ug!).

All that being said, I am happy with my final tally this week: $208. YES! 

Chicken thighs were on sale for 87c a pound! And I was also able to get some really nice ribeye steaks on sale too. Looking forward to using our grill more and more now that it is getting warmer. 

Breakfast Puffs: Recipe

Have you ever made Yorkshire pudding? I hadn't even heard of it until I was watching Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on Food Network a few weeks ago. A Yorkshire pudding is a savory bread-like dish that is simultaneously crispy, chewy, and all around delicious! 

I decided to make a sweet, breakfast version so here is my recipe for Breakfast Puffs!  They are a cross between a muffin, doughnut, and a pancake.

They are so easy that my son (who calls them "Hush Puppies"…go figure?) asked me to make them on a school morning and I easily agreed (granted, school starts at 8:35 for us so…we had a bit of time). 

Ingredients: 

1 cup milk

3 eggs

dash of salt

2 TBS sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup flour

Vegetable oil 

Sliced strawberries

powdered sugar

Make it!

Preheat oven to 425 (key step!). 

Warm milk in microwave for 60 seconds. This helps bring all the ingredients (including the cold eggs) to room temperature for optimum PUFF while baking. 

In a blender, add milk, eggs, salt, sugar, vanilla, and then flour on top. Blend until smooth. Scrape down sides to incorporate all the flour and blend again if necessary. 

Carefully pour one teaspoon of oil into 10 cups of a regular muffin tin. Put the muffin on a sheet pan (to  catch any overflow while the puffs cook) and put the tin in the oven while it is preheating. You want the oil to get nice and hot (but not smoke! so keep an eye on it. I usually put the tin in when the oven is half way heated and the oil does just fine). 

Slice the strawberries and add a little sugar so they will make their own syrup. Set aside. 

When the oven is preheated, pull the muffin tin out and carefully pour the batter into the cups, filling 2/3 of the way full. This recipe makes 10 puffs. 

Put the tin back in the oven and set the timer for 25 minutes. 

This recipe is very entertaining to watch bake! The puffs start out as a really thin, unimpressive batter and then they quickly puff up as they cook. It is really exciting. (if you get excited about food. I do!) I have actually put a chair in front of my oven and watched them bake the entire time! (can you say "food nerd"?) This morning, though, I took a shower while they baked. Hey, it was a school morning, after all. 

When they are done, the puffs should be huge, (3+ inches above the tin) and golden brown. Loosen the puffs with a small knife and place them on a paper towel lined plate upside down to drain off some of the oil. 

Note: The ONLY downside to these puffs is that they are hard to get out of the pan. I have tired cooking spray + oil, butter, more oil, etc. and every method sticks. So…just be prepared. But they are worth it, I promise!

Sprinkle puffs with powdered sugar and top with strawberries. Serve to your hungry kiddos! 

Serves 4-6.

Yum! They are filling and delicious: crispy, chewy, and slightly sweet. Mmmm! 

Enjoy! 

30 memorable moments on my 30th Birthday

30…Thirty…What?? Woah.

Yep. I am thirty today. That seems so….mature.

You thought I was going to say "old," right? Well, it is.

But I don't really feel old! When I look back at my life though, I realize that so much has has happened in the last thirty years…and most of it has happened in the last TEN years!

Here are 30 of my most memorable moments of the past 30 years (plus some embarrassing pictures of me).

30. April 26 1984: I was born. According to my mother, I had a very exciting entrance. There was lighting! There was thunder! There were frantic calls to my out-of-town father! Would my mother make it to the hospital in time? Would my father make it to the hospital in time? (are you biting your nails???)

Don't worry. They both made it. And I was born. The end. Or The Beginning, I should say!

29. When I was 5 years old, I decided that I wanted to be a writer. I've been able to add the word "published" in front of "writer" in the last few years. Now I want to add the word "paid" to "published" and "writer" in the next…oh, 30 or so years.

28. When I shared my 5 year old dreams with my grandmother, she told me that it was very difficult to make any money as a writer (um, was she right) so I should be an English teacher instead. Life shaping conversations at 5 years old!

Yeah, that's me in the red striped shirt.
Super nerdy homeschool pic

27. I was home schooled from 1st-12th grade. Homeschooling shaped me into the person I am today and has given me the work ethic and can-do attitude that has helped me so much in my life. Thanks Mom!

Super nerdy homeschool pic take 2: Rockin' the awkward sweater and jean shorts.

26. When I was 15, I went on a singing tour (that's not the important memory, though it was fun!). On this tour we stayed at a host home where I was introduced to the 6 hour BBC mini-series "Pride and Prejudice." We stayed up until 2am watching and I was enchanted. This was my first introduction to Jane Austen. Oh my…the rest is history.

Oh, Mr. Darcy. Swoon!

25. My senior year in high school, my mom and I took a cross-country road trip to visit all the colleges I was interested in. We drove from Kansas to Minnesota, to Ohio, to Virginia, to Missouri, and back to Kansas. This two week trip was so fun and is one of my favorite memories with my mom. Plus, it helped me pick the University that has had such an impact on my life.

My senior year of high school. See? I grew out of my nerd-dom a bit.
Though, my best friend and I ARE sitting on a dinosaur...

24. The day before my high school graduation, I decided that I was going to go to Liberty University. The reason? They offered me the best scholarship (even though they had the worst food and worst dorms of all the schools I visited).

23. I took a year off before going to college. During this year, I taught a very small literature, poetry, and writing "class" for Jr. High students (including my brother!) in our homeschool co-op. This experience solidified my decision to major in English and pursue teaching.

22. In August 2003, my family embarked on another cross-country trip to take me to Liberty University.

21. A few weeks later, I met this guy with Buddy Holly glasses who was good at soccer and way too arrogant for his own good. We got in a fight during our first conversation in the dining hall. He told me "English is stupid." I was beyond offended.

20. The guy's name was Aaron Meng.

Me and the guy…Freshman year

19. In October of 2003, Liberty hosted this event called Super Conference, a pastors conference that, for some reason, all LU students were required to go to that year. Aaron and I "somehow" ended up sitting together for the entire 3 day conference. I don't remember much of the conference but I do remember that this guy was filling my every waking thought (and some of my sleeping ones too)…which was bad because I was dating someone at the time...

18. …but that's another story (a very long story). Let's just say that meeting that "arrogant soccer guy" changed my life forever. For the better.

17. At the advice of an upperclassman, I took Dr. Karen Swallow Prior for a 200 level literature course. This professor had a profound influence on my English education and Christian worldview. I think I took 5 classes with her in my undergraduate college career alone.

At Dr. Prior's book signing (three kids later)

16. I became a prayer leader at Liberty in 2004. This volunteer position deepened my faith more than anything else had up to this time. I learned that being a Christian is about loving God and loving others, not my performance or trying to earn God's favor.

Sophomore Year at Liberty

15. Aaron and I got married! May 26, 2006. Oh, happy day!

14. On March 1 2007, I found out that I was pregnant. Not such a happy day. In our minds, it was too soon.


13. On April 16 2007 (Yep….the day of the Virginia Tech shootings), I found out I was having twins. This was the biggest surprise of my life. EVER. I laughed and laughed. Certainly, one of the happiest days of my life. (My emotions during my pregnancy were widely varied).

12. Micah Gabriel and Benjamin Nathaniel were born via c-section on October 9, 2007. I became a mother of twins five months after I graduated from college. What a sanctifying experience it has been.

Woah. We are parents of twins (23 years old)

11. In October 2008, I parked my double stroller in Dr. Prior's office and she told me all about the brand new English MA program at Liberty. I wondered if I could do it. I wondered if I was smart enough, good enough, capable enough. I seriously doubted it but….I wanted to try.

10. I started the MA program in January of 2009. My twins were 15 months old. I was very excited and hopeful. I was also insane.

9. I became a GSA for the MA program in January of 2010. I was so nervous about starting this teaching position that I, literarily, did not sleep for 2 months before starting. I am not joking. I was absolutely terrified of teaching ENGL 101.

8. I learned that I adore teaching, especially college students. And I have had some wonderful students in the last 5 years.

Graduation Day for my MA degree 2011

7. In my last semester in grad school, I wrote my masters thesis (hang on…gotta go look up the title…): "The Enduring Austen Heroine: Self-Awareness and Moral Maturity in Jane Austen’s Emma and in Modern Austen Fan-Fiction." Whew! Writing that darn thesis was the hardest thing I have ever done…and one of my proudest accomplishments, ranking right after breastfeeding my twins for 17 months. 

6. In August 2011, our family started going to Grace Church. God has really used this church to show me fresh, new ways of seeing my Christian faith and life. 

5. On October 24, 2012, I gave birth to Silas Edward after a grueling 60 hour labor. Oh my. Yeah, this was added to the "hardest/proudest" list. 

Silas Edward

4. Silas' birth has helped to transform me as a mother, especially to my older boys. God uses my children to continue to sanctify me. 

3. I found out I was pregnant right before Christmas, 2013. Our whole family was wildly happy. 

2. We lost the baby in January, 2014. This grief continues to shape my life and faith. God has already given me the opportunity to "mourn with those who mourn" as the co-leader of a grief support group for mothers who have experienced loss.

Source

1. The miscarriage was a devastating storm in my life. But, like after so many tragedies, there is a rainbow after this storm as well. We just found out that God has blessed us with a new life, a new baby. I am 6 weeks pregnant. God willing, our precious little baby will join our family right before Christmas, 2014. Expecting a baby after a miscarriage is a beautiful gift, but it is difficult too. I worry a lot. Please pray for me if you think about it! 

Photo by S. Carter Studios

Today is my 30th birthday. God has had his hand on my life, my dreams, my family, my life for all these years. He has given me joy and strength in my journey. I will continue to walk forward with Him in expectation of all that is to come in the future!

Meng Menu

I was racing to get grocery shopping done yesterday. I squeezed it in between church and meeting with a friend for coffee at 2:30. As much of a chore menu planning, coupon "clicking," and shopping for two weeks is, IT IS DONE for two weeks. Such a relief. 

I spent around $250 this week (Budget: $300) which included 3 toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner for me, and paper towels. Not bad, not bad. 

Sunday: Sesame Chicken Pot stickers, rice w/ veggies (New recipe on the pot stickers. Fun but labor intensive! Plus, holy cow, I know now why they call them pot STICKERS…)

Monday: Hot dogs, chips, apple and orange slices

Tuesday: Slow cooked pulled pork sandwiches, baked fries, carrots and celery

Wednesday: Grilled pork chops, baked beans, salad

Thursday: Roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans

Friday: Out to eat

Saturday: Roast beef sandwiches, chips, fruit salad

Sunday: Sloppy joes, baked fries, Green beans

Monday: Pulled pork sandwiches, chips, carrots and celery

Tuesday:  Grilled pork chops, roasted red potatoes, salad

Wednesday: Parmesan chicken, parmesan rice, broccoli

Thursday: Spaghetti, salad

Friday: Out to eat

Saturday: Chicken w/mustard cream sauce, rice, broccoli 

If you read our menus frequently, you might see some repeat dinners…um, sloppy joes? That is because Sloppy Joes are Aaron's favorite meal. Yep. Low maintenance, that man. He could eat them every day. That, and hot dogs, which Micah says is his favorite meal. I, on the other hand, love to try new meals and have a bit more of a "foodie" palate. So…I try to keep my men happy while also preparing recipes I like too. 

How do you keep your family happy at dinner time?