Read with your child in 48 [Hard] steps!

For some kids, learning to read is not as easy as 1-2-3! It's more like climbing a very hard, tall, rocky, frustrating mountain.

Maybe you've climbed this mountain too.

The 48 Steps to reading with your (struggling) reader:

1. Call child. Tell him that it is time to read.
2. Call child again when he refuses to come.
3. Give yourself mental pep-talk (you can do this!!)
4. Let child choose book.
5. Child chooses book.
6. Child throws book after getting stuck on the third word.
7. Child chooses 2nd book. 
8. Child starts screaming at you after you tell him to "sound out" 7th word.

10. Tell child to calm down.
11. Child runs out of the room
12. Tell child to come back.
13. Child refuses.
14. You realize that child needs to "reset brain." Insist your child run around the house.
15. Child screams at you and refuses.
16. Suggest Jumping Jacks.
17. Repeat steps 14 and 15.

18. Take a break to nurse the baby.

19. Go find your child. Fight anxiety that your child has actually run away instead of running around the house.
20. Find child in the backyard. Breathe a sigh of relief.
21. Chat calmly with child about how he needs to work through his "brain funk" by moving his body.
22. Child decides to "move his body."
23. Give enthusiastic praise as child spins on swing, jumps on trampline in a a circle, and hangs from the top of the swingset like a monkey.
24. Child feels better.
25. Go back inside.
26. Child chooses 3rd book, one that he has read before.
27. Open book. Realize that there is an "Instructions for Early Readers" page.
28. Read page quickly to yourself and realize you have been doing everything "wrong" with your early reader.
29. Feel lots of guilt.

30. Child starts reading.
31. Resist urge to correct.
32. Resist urge to say "sound it out" every 2. 5 words.
33. Say GREAT JOB!!! every time you finish a page.
34. Give high fives!
35. Laugh with child at the funny parts.
36. Say "that's a bossy 'e'"
37. Say "sound it out."

38. Wait calmly and silently while child screams at you and then buries head in the couch.
39. Wait some more.
40. When child resurfaces, repeat steps 36-39 twice.
41. Say, "You're doing great!"
42. Say, "Only 2 more pages!"
43. Turn the page. Realize you lied.

44. Repeat steps 41-42.
45. Repeat steps 38-39.

46. Finish book.
47. Give high five!
48. Take five deep breaths and make yourself a cup of coffee.

Helping your struggling reader is no joke. Hang in there, mama. I'm right there with you.

You don't have to enjoy every minute to be a good mom

When my twins were babies, I was consistently bludgeoned with this advice by well-meaning people: "Enjoy every minute."

I hated this phrase...mostly because I was going through one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Just keeping up with the daily care of two infants was hard enough--and I was supposed to "enjoy every minute" too?

I felt like a failure.

 One of my favorite bloggers, Modern Mrs. Darcy, wrote an article the other day about marriage, called "What makes a relationship work?"

This line stuck out to me:

...I’ve been warned by older and wiser friends not to panic if we hit a rough patch—strong marriages have bad weeks, months, even years—

We seem to accept the truth that "strong marriages have bad weeks, months, even years" so why does this truth seem harder to swallow when applied to parenthood?

 The thing is, our kids are people too, complete with little personalities, big attitudes, funny quirks, and loud opinions. And just like a strong marriage, our relationship with our kids requires work and daily maintenance.

In my seven+ years of parenting, I have come to realize that relationships with my children can and do go through difficult times that are frustrating, irritating, exhausting, even soul-crushing--trials of growth and times where I literally pull my hair out and think what-the-heck-am-I-doing?

There are so many times I have thought "I am a bad mom" or "I am not doing my best" when really, I was just going through one of these trials of growth. And growth is uncomfortable and painful and....not enjoyable.

The truth is, you don't have to enjoy every minute to be a good mom, despite the little old lady in the grocery store who sighs "it-goes-by-so-fast,"  and the "soak-up-every moment / enjoy every stage / be-the-perfect-parent-today-or-screw-your-kids-up-for-tomorrow" social pressures that we are inundated with on a daily basis.  

Parenting is hard because we are in relationship with tiny humans, and all good, lasting relationships have hard times. The key words there are "good" and "times," because there are good times too--seconds, moments, days, and years that are good, and should be soaked up and enjoyed.

Those are the times where we feel like good parents.

But the reality is, whether in marriage, or friendship, or parenting, or any relationship, feelings can be fleeting. It's the sticking through the hard times that spells commitment, the "I-will-do-my-best-no-matter-what-because-I-love-you" that is the true marker of a "good" mom.

Is motherhood enjoyable? I think the answer to that question depends on the mother and the moment you ask.

But if the litmus test of a "good mother" is how much we enjoy it, we will always be sentimentalizing the past or wishing ourselves in a less difficult parenting moment (naptime, anyone?).

We need to release the expectation of "enjoying motherhood" and focus on the reality of growing our relationships with our children, and all the good, bad, infuriatingly messy, ugly, and beautiful aspects that relationships with people bring to our lives.

Why I openly breastfeed in front of my older children

It is World Breastfeeding week! So, in honor of that, I thought I'd write a post.

A slightly controversial post, perhaps.

You see, I have older twin sons who are almost 7 and I breastfed their brother (weaned at 21 months) openly in front of them.

Like, I am not "modest" around my sons at all while breastfeeding.

Well, come to think of it, I'm not THAT immodest while breastfeeding
(Nursing one of my twins: 2008)

They have seen the boobs.
They have stood inches from me while their little brother frantically rooted around and then blissfully latched on.

"Is he drinking chocolate milk, Mommy?" asked Micah d the first time he saw Silas nurse.

Now THAT would be special, right?

But beyond the delightful idea of chocolate milk, I think that allowing my older sons to see me breastfeed is pretty special in and of itself.

And it is a decision that I made on purpose.

I could have used a cover, excused myself to another room, or shooed them away when it was nursing time. But I didn't.

I wanted them to see what a woman's body could do: feed, nourish, and nurture a baby.

Breasts are so over-sexed in our culture. We've all seen the meme or heard the tongue-in-cheek comparison about the breastfeeding woman who is publicly shamed for feeding her baby while grocery store magazine racks showcase models whose breasts are displayed for public consumption. How's that for irony?

In contrast to society's views about the female body, I want my boys to have a healthy view of breasts. While they can be sexually alluring, I don't really want breasts to be mysterious or a body part to be ogled. My sons have seen my breasts used in a non-sexual way as I have fed their brother and will feed our new baby in the near future.

A healthy view of a woman's body is, in my opinion, a holistic view. Breasts are beautiful but they are also useful and, in our family, are used to feed and nurture babies and toddlers.

I hope that by normalizing breastfeeding and breasts for my sons, it is one step I can take while they are young to guide their hearts and minds to view woman respectfully and holistically in the future, and push against the cultural idea that women are simply sexual objects.

"Just wait…!": A bad parenting habit I need to break

It started when I was pregnant with my twins.  Experienced parents would cluck their tongues, shake their heads and state:

"Just wait….!"

"Just wait…you think pregnancy is hard? Wait until you have newborns!"
"Just wait….you better sleep now because you won't have a good night's sleep for the next 5 years!"

Then after the baby is born, I started hearing these predictions:

"Just wait till he starts teething! Now that's sleep deprivation!"
"Oh, I wish mine was a newborn again. Just wait till they can walk! You'll never sit down again!"
"Be thankful they can't talk yet. Just wait till they are toddlers. All I hear is "no! no! no!' Can you say temper tantrum?!"

Twin two year old glory

Then came toddlerhood:

"You think he has an attitude now? Just wait till he's a teenager!"
"You think you worry about safety now? Just wait till he's driving!"

I just sigh. Because with each "Just wait!"all I really hear is this:
"You think your life is hard now? Just wait! In a few years, you're going to be even more miserable! Parenting is really going to suck then! Haha!"

But, if I am really honest, I know I've said this phrase myself.

The real question is Why? Why do we caution new parents to "hold on! Just wait….!"

When I examine my heart and attitude toward parenting, I know I've said "Just wait!" for a few complicated, and rather embarrasing reasons:

1. I want to warn less experienced parents of what is coming up. Hey, the "Terrible Threes" ARE harder than the "Terrible Twos."

2. I want to be patted on the back: Yes, dear. Parenting is hard. Here's a gold star. 

3. I want to feel superior: You, poor new parent, haven't even experienced the agony that is to come. Heh, heh, heh. Just wait… 

#1 is the only reason that is only slightly unselfish (though really, any parent will discover that three is harder than two on her own). The other two reasons just make me cringe that I've ever said "Just wait" to a newer parent.

To me, and any exhausted parent who is just looking for sympathy and support for a hard day….or hard stage….of parenting, the last thing we want to hear is this: "Just wait. The worst is yet to come."

I've only been a parent for 7 years but I've come to realize two small truths:
1. Every parenting stage has its challenges. In some ways, it gets better. In some ways, it gets harder. Mostly it just gets different.
2. Messages of encouragement do far more good than predictions of doom.

I'm trying to break the "just wait" habit in myself. I want to look forward to the future with my children (yes! even the teenage years!) and not live in dread of every new stage.

But even more than adjusting my own attitude, I want to start offering more encouragement and support to my fellow parents. Maybe we could all try out some new "Just waits…"

"Just wait till you hold that new baby in your arms and kiss that sweet head. It is so worth it."
"Just wait till she smiles for the first time. Your heart will melt."
"Just wait till he says, 'I love you, mama!'"
"Just wait till she waves at you at her school program, nudges the kid next to her and says, "look! That's my mom!"
And even...
"Just wait till he gets his license and can go to Kroger and pick up milk."

Yes, all of those things are worth waiting for…and looking forward to.

Summer (Sanity!) Schedule

School is out! WOO HOO! No more crazy mornings, making lunches, scrambling out the door just in the nick of time…! Just days of fun…!

….long…days….of…fun.

Emphasis on "long."

Maybe you are like me and feel like "Oh my…how am I going to keep my kids happy this summer while also keeping my own sanity?

(on top of just day to day sanity I am also teaching online this summer. Oh, and I'm pregnant too.)

So, I decided to put together a little plan to help give us some structure to our long summer days.

Micah and Benji get up before I do and can do the first 3 by themselves. I usually get up around 7:30 or 8 and then we eat breakfast. 

"Clean up" will consists of general toy pick up and regular house work. It will also be an opportunity for the boys to earn "Bucks." (See below!)

Our Activity time will be anything from 

Playing at the park

Wednesday Playdate with friends

Going to Kids Cove

Going to the Library

Running errands 

Cooking Time

Doing work sheets or reading books

Painting/crafts

Playing in the bath (a favorite, especially for Benji)

Legos, Trains, etc. 

Or…if I am truly exhausted and have no creativity, playing educational games on the computer

After lunch is Rest Time which is ESSENTIAL to both  my sanity and the fact that I am working from home. Silas starts his nap at 12:30 and I am going to make the big boys lay down then too (or around there). Then I can get some work done on the computer and/or rest if I need to. TV time afterward is contingent on the big boys taking a good nap/rest (2 hours). 

My motivation is super-low in the late afternoon so I have a pretty lax schedule after Rest Time. 

I am hoping that our schedule will lead up till 5pm when DADDY COMES HOME FROM WORK!!! (aka the best part of the day!)

Bucks System

As a way to motivate my 6 year olds to do housework, summer work sheets, and general good behavior, as well as teach them about spending and saving, I made some "Behavior Bucks." 

I printed them on colored card stock  for free from this website

The boys can "Earn the Bucks," "Spend the Bucks," or "Lose the Bucks." Here are some examples below of how each one works in our family.

They can also earn bucks for a "Cheerful Attitude" or "Helping with Silas" or "Special Chores with Daddy"

So far, most of the bucks have been spent on iPad playing (also candy). They keep saying they want to save for
Toys R  Us but it is HARD (Saving is hard for all of us, isn't it?)

The boys can "Lose the Bucks" too. This has proven a pretty effective discipline method so far (even in just warning them that they are about to "LOSE THE BUCKS!"). 

I am hoping that our "Bucks" system will provide some structure and motivation to our day for chores and summer school work like reading and handwriting sheets. 

So, there it is: Our Summer (Sanity) Schedule. 

I really want to keep these faces smiling! (and mine smiling too!)

What are YOUR plans for the summer? How do you plan to keep (ha!) your sanity as well as keep your kids busy and happy?

Share your ideas below!  

Why I can't raise my children to be Christians

"But why, mommy?" My five year old cried, his head on my shoulder. "Why did Jesus die on the cross?"
"Well, honey, he died so that we can have a relationships with God." I smoothed the hair back from his forehead, thinking back to the crucifixion scene we let our twins stay up to watch on The Bible mini-series.
I had been hesitant. Are they ready for this? I wondered. Maybe. Maybe this is going to be the moment!
I took a deep breath and moved forward.
"We are all sinners; this means we do bad things and our sin keeps us from God. But Jesus took the punishment for our sin when he died on the cross." 

I paused, looking into my son's tear filled eyes, amazed at the tenderness of his heart in this moment. "Do you want to thank Jesus for dying for your sins? Do you want to tell him that you want a relationship with God?" 
My son shook his head. "No."

*************************

In the past few weeks,  a blog post has been floating around the internet and has been reposted on my Facebook wall several times over. The article, How to Raise a Pagan Kid in a Christian Home, resonated with many of my friends, and with me as well. The message of the blog post was this: 

"If we teach morality without the transforming power of the gospel and the necessity of a life fully surrendered to God's will, then we are raising moral pagans."

While this post did resonate with me, it left me unsettled as well. Because I do teach my kids to be moral. I teach them that when you hurt someone, you say you are sorry. When you take something that's not yours, that's called stealing; you take it back, you apologize, and you don't do it again. I have said, "The Bible says we don't steal. We should not lie. That is unloving. This is not the way God wants us to live."

I say these things and I know I am teaching them to be…well, according to the wording of the linked blog post, "moral pagans." 

Because this is all I can do. 

I cannot teach my children to be Christians. 

I wish I could. I wish I could make them be followers of Christ simply by teaching them the ways of Christ, by making them "pray the prayer," by teaching them to be moral. 

I wish I could say, "In our family, WE believe THIS!" 

I probably have said this. But it is not 100% true. My husband and I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. We humbly accept Christ's righteousness in place of our sin. We choose to walk in His ways. 

But I shared the story at the beginning of this post to demonstrate the difficult truth that I can teach my children about Jesus, all about his atoning sacrifice on the cross, his miraculous resurrection, his forgiveness, his life and teaching, and the amazing new vision of life that he gives those who say, "Yes, Lord! I trust in you."  

I can teach them all of this. And I do teach them these things and will continue to do so. 

But I cannot raise my children to be Christians. A child does not become a Christian because he matriculated through a "Christian" home, because he has listened to his mother reading the Bible, because he heard his father pray, because he was in Sunday school every week, because he memorized scripture, because he prayed a prayer at Bible School, or because Mommy and Daddy are Christians. 

I can teach and demonstrate all these things but none of them will make my child a Christian. 

Because to be a Christian, my child must choose Christ for himself. 

My children are sinners. Without a transformed heart, every scriptural mandate I teach them is a moral code, a law. 

But it is my hope and deepest prayer that Galatians 3:23-25 will be manifested in their lives: 

But before faith came, we were kept under guard by the law, kept for the faith which would afterward be revealed. Therefore the law was our tutor to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. 

So, all I can do is teach my children to be "moral pagans." My efforts fall far short of their salvation. 

But where my efforts stop, God's grace begins. Christ died for my children the same as he died for me. I can only trust that his Spirit is at work in their lives, as he is in mine, and pray that when Jesus whispers to their souls, Come follow me! at the right time, they will say YES. 

My New Years Resolution: Choosing Delight

It's almost June 1st. Do you remember your New Years Resolution?

I only made one, and it wasn't really even a resolution, per se. I chose a word, a word to help focus my mothering and my relationships with my children. Particularly, my relationships with my 5 year old twins.

My word is "Delight."

Around New Years, I was feeling pretty discouraged about my mothering abilities. Ok, not just discouraged: guilty. And it was the worst type of guilt--MOM guilt.

When we rang in the new year, Silas was around 2 months old and he was a precious bundle of pure goodness--sweet, soft, good smelling (most of the time), and snuggly.

Having one baby was pure joy. Delightful.

I finally realized why everyone asked me, "How do you do it?" when my twins were babies.

The answer, of course, was "I just do! I don't have a choice." And I didn't. I just did the best I could. I just put one foot in front of the other every day and just did it.

And I made it! Through twin babyhood and toddlerhood, and into preschool. I did it.

But having one baby made me realize something sobering. Having infant twins was really hard. So hard that there was only room for survival  and not much room for joy or delight on most days.

The thing is, things got easier as my twins got older. However, my outlook and attitude remained the same--this is hard.
Frustrating.
Overwhelming.
Difficult.

I didn't let myself take delight in them because I was so caught up in the petty annoyances and frustrations that come from having twins boys--and in reality, kids in general--demanding attention, crying and yelling, wrestling, overwhelming emotions, huge messes, 100 spilled drinks a day, wrestling, crashing toys and lamps, oh, and did I mention, wrestling?

Sadly and shamefully, I realized that my primary emotion I felt toward my twins each day was annoyance. And I wanted to change.

I thought: I'll plan dates with them. We'll do fun things. I won't yell so much. I will be more patient. I will do better. Be...better.

But deep down I knew that forcing myself change my behavior toward them wasn't the issue. '

I needed to change my heart. I needed to see them with new eyes.

So I prayed and asked God to help me choose a word for 2013, a word that would help refocus my mothering.

Ultimately, I chose the word "Delight."

The definition of "Delight" encompasses so many of the ways I want to view my sons:
I want to enjoy them
I want to find satisfaction in them
I want to notice the tiny things that make them tick and genuinely smile
I want to love them for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

So since January, I have been choosing delight.

Sometimes in moments of frustration, where a still small whisper reminds me, "Delight! Delight! Delight in your small, strong, rough and tumble boys."

Sometimes in moments of creativity:
Mommy, can I help you cook?
Mommy, listen to my joke!
Mommy, look what I can do!

And instead of
No.
Not right now.
Stop that!

I choose
Yes.
Laughter.
Wow!

At the beginning of the year I shared my word with a few close friends and last week, one of my dear friends told me, "I can see a change in you, in the way you talk about them. In the way you view mothering. You have more joy."

It was easy for me to find joy in Silas. It came more naturally because I wasn't inexperienced this time around, because I felt confident and peaceful instead of unsure and stressed out, because he was only one baby and not two.

But I needed to stop using "twins" as a synonym for "hard." I needed to renew my thinking.

Because sometimes motherhood isn't about moving forward--it is about going back to the beginning and starting over again.

So I started over again on January first.

I still remember my resolution. It has changed me for the better.
And I hope, for good.
Because sweet, silly, wild, loud, funny, strong, unique Micah and Benjamin, I delight in you. 

I choose delight. 

How I lowered my expectations for "Fun" Mommy-hood

When my twins were babies, I couldn’t wait for them to be old enough to do mommy-kid activities. I wanted to finger paint, cook, play Memory and Candyland, snuggle and read for hours, and make happy, rosy memories with my boys.

When they were around 2 years old, inspired by the success of my mommy friends and the parenting blogs I adored, I excitedly laid out paper and paints, prepared elaborate craft projects, bought games, and borrowed books from the library. We were going to have FUN and be happy and laugh and I would take pictures and make photo albums of my happy kids and my happy motherhood.

Here’s what really happened:

The paints were a mess. The paper got soaked and ripped. The colors were mixed into a color that resembled a really bad poopy diaper. The art project took longer to clean up than the boys spent "painting."

My boys played “Ants in my pants” instead of moving their gingerbread men through Candyland. The colored cards flew all over the living room, joining the tiny demon-cherries from “Hi-Ho! Cherrio!” The homemade Memory cards were ripped and crumpled.

Cooking was a circus. Cups of flour were dumped on the counter instead of in the bowl. Eggs slipped and smashed on the floor. And one of my sons was so afraid of the hand-mixer that he ran screaming out of the room before it was even turned on.

There was no snuggling and reading for hours. My two year olds could barely sit still for one picture book. “Green Eggs and Ham”? WAY too long! I learned to flip through books at the library and throw back the ones that had more than 15 pages or 10 words per page.

This was supposed to be a "Two hours of FUN" box! not "10 minutes and I'm done" box

I was discouraged, depressed even. I was failing at Mommy-hood. Most days I thought: “Well, that was a fun 5 minutes. What am I going to do for the rest of the day? I guess I could start by cleaning up this mess.”

We made snakes with beads for 3 minutes one day. Then I cleaned up beads for the next 3 months

I wanted to make those special memories with my kids but every activity was either a failure or over before I could even snap a picture.

Plus I was going nuts and yelling things like “THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! We are GOING to have FUN, OK???”

I was a real Fun Mom.

I eventually gave up. I lowered my expectations for Fun Mommy-hood.

We didn’t do messy craft projects anymore. I threw “Hi-Ho Cherrio” and the memory cards in the trash. I made cookies while my boys napped. We read “The Foot Book” instead of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

And this was the best thing I could have ever done. 

I discovered that the things I liked to do were not the things that my kids liked to do. The happy memories I had of coloring, playing board games, cooking sweets and treats, and reading on the couch with my mom for hours were not the same things that made my boys happy.

I had to accept that they loved running and wrestling, not sitting still playing board games.

I swallowed the fact that they weren’t interested in coloring or “making things.” And I realized that any craft that took longer to prepare or clean up than it did to make and play with was way overrated.

I still made them sit and read with me but we would read one board book instead of three picture books.

And when I did tackle that Pintrest Project from my “Fun Activities for Kids!” board, I learned to say “Well, that was fun!” after 3.5 minutes and really mean it.

So glad I have this picture because I think this is the only time they wore these adorable pirate costumes 

 Most importantly, I discovered that my kids are different from me and that is ok. And I learned that the best memories I could make with my children was not “doing things” together: it was seeing my boys happy, grins that lasted for seconds, not the “activities” that lasted for hours.

Boy = Crazy; Or How to survive as a mother of boys, Part 1

Growing up, I was a little boy-crazy. Ok, a lot boy-crazy. Boys were fun. Different. Mysterious. A puzzle to figure out. I even caught a boy, got him to marry me, had two babies, and am STILL boy-crazy.

But in just a different way.

You see, I am now a mother of 4 1/2 year old twin boys, which should qualify me to have at least a Bachelor's degree in "all things boy" but, alas, I still feel like I am barely scratching the surface of understanding the mind of these odd little creatures of the y-cromosome that I birthed. Every day I feel like I am living on a strange planet, trying desperately to understand the natives.

(A funny coincidence since, while growing up, my three sisters joked that "wouldn't it be funny if Brittany had all boys?" Because I was the girliest girl ever. Like I collected tea sets, couldn't throw a ball to save my life, wore lace and flowers on a regular basis girly-girl.)

I do feel like I have learned a few truths about boys in my 4 years of motherhood. So if you are mom to the young boy-creature and are at your wits end, maybe these truths will help you. However, I am the first to admit, I still have SO much to learn.

**Disclaimer: Of course, these truths do not describe all boys. You may even think, "heck! My baby-girl is more like this than my son!" Every kid is different. These are just the things that struck me as overwhelmingly unique to most boys, including mine.**

Truth #1: Boys are active.

This may seem like a "duh" statement. We all know boys are active, right? Well, if I knew this truth in my head, I certainly didn't understand it in action. As in, twin boys in action. Every. Single. Day.

Forget reading stories on the couch, playing with play-doh, craft projects, quiet (what's that?) playtime in their room--my boys are MOVERS!

Whenever someone meets my sons for the first time, he or she will always comment, "Wow! They have a lot of energy!"

I actually replied the other day: "You are so observant."

Yes, this was snarky. But boys DO have lots of energy (especially mine!).

But I have (slowly) realized that being active for a boy is as important as eating. or sleeping. or breathing. Being allowed to be active may be the most important gift you give your son every day.

So if you have a pre-school son who is driving you nuts in the house every day because he is wrecking havoc, slamming into walls, catapolting over the couch, head-butting the dog, wrestling with anything that looks at him sideways (including inanimate objects) then....

...don't do what I did and wonder for 3 years what I had done to recieve this lot in life!

Follow my advice (actually, my husband's) and get those rowdy puppies out of the house!

"Out of the house" for a boy doesn't mean go to Target. or the grocery store (Lord have mercy!). or the library. Those activities alone are not enough to burn up the raging energy inside your little man.

I get my boys out of the house just about every day for at least an hour of intense physical activity.

"Out of the house" can mean many things. We usually go somewhere. The park.
Our local indoor playground.
A local hands-on children's museum.    A play date with friends.

Or, like we did today, a 45 minute walk around our neighborhood followed by "running races" around the house (oh, 7-8 times) when we got back to the yard.

Now I know what you're thinking: "How do you have the energy to chase your boys 7-8 times around the house?!"

Pi-shaw! I am not chasing them! I am sitting in the shade, drinking ice water, shouting "On your mark! Get set! Go!"

Because after all, I am 13 weeks pregnant. And I don't like to get sweaty (girly-girl, remember?)

The same goes for our other "energy-burners": the trick is to use up their energy without burning up all of yours. (Easier said than done, right?)

However, if I've done my job right, my boys will take a nap in the afternoon.

Now I know some preschoolers are beyond the nap stage. But I have learned, as a mother of boys, that if I provide an intense, consistent, daily outlet for my boys' energy, they will be better behaved.
And even in they don't nap, they may be calmed down enough to read a story (or two!) and play with play-doh for 10 minutes or so.....

....before they start shaping the play doh into cannon balls and guns and flinging little bits of green goo all over your dining room floor.

But that's truth #2: "Boys love guns. Just accept it."

And that truth will have to wait for a later post.

Just keep truth #1 in your mind (especially if you are going out of your mind) and use up some of your son's energy every day. Your boy (and your mental sanity) will thank you.

The Birds and the Bees?: How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex

CAUTION: Extremely candid post coming up. :)

Ok, this title is a bit misleading because I actually have not had “the talk” with my kids (4 year old twin boys) yet.

BUT, sex-education for the sake of sexual knowledge and safety is a topic that I am very passionate about and, in light of the recent tragedy at Penn State, a very applicable topic for all parents of young children.

Though my boys have never uttered those heart-stopping words “Where-do-babies-come-from?” (Which I am deviously looking forward to answering with “When a mommy and daddy love each other very much…”), my husband and I do talk about body parts with blush-inducing bluntness at our house.

In fact, we even use the words “penis” and “vagina.”

(My anatomically correct words end there because we also say “balls” and “boobs.” Somehow, saying “testicles” and “breasts” seems like a mouthful).

Before I had kids, I was very adamant about using the correct words for genitalia, not that I am against substitutions like “pee-pee,” “peanut,” or even “dinker” (as one friend told me they called “boy parts” in their family). Pet-names are fine in my book as long as kids know the real names too and, more importantly, that those parts are PRIVATE.

While in the bathtub or getting dressed, kids are often mesmerized by their own bodies and parents usually eagerly point out the names of their child’s ears, nose, belly button, legs and toes. But we often shy away, or even shame away from the proper names of our children’s private parts.

Why is this? Partly, I think, because in our adult minds, genitals = sex, and in our culture (maybe particularly in a Conservative Christian culture?) sex = bad, or at least, “bad” until marriage so, therefore, don’t talk about sex, and don’t talk about your…that thing!

Perhaps this is an extreme example and definitely not the case in all families, Christian or not. However, rather than be embarrassed when talking about genitals, what if parents celebrated every part of their child’s healthy body, while at the same time teaching them the precious need for privacy and protection?

Of course, talking about genitals openly and frequently opens the doors for acute parental embarrassment.

For example, my boys will be chattering about their day at the dinner table and then, out of the blue, one will pipe up: “I have a penis! Those are my private parts!”’

—to  which my husband and I heartily agree and then apologize to any dinner guest at our table for our son’s extreme candor.

While those dinner time outbursts may make me or my guests blush, I am secretly proud that my boys know that they “have a penis” yet more importantly, that they are “private parts.”

This means that those bathtime conversations have sunk in, conversations that start a little something like this:

Son: Mommy, what’s that?

Me: That is your penis. And your balls (really, I should just say “testicles” but we all have our hang-ups, right?)

Son: Oh! It is very cool.

Me: Yes, they are. Those are your private parts.

Son: Pwivate Pwats?

Me: Yes, “private” means that we don’t show them to anyone or let anyone touch them, unless it is a doctor and mommy or daddy is with you. If anyone does touch you and you feel uncomfortable, you need to tell mommy and daddy right away. You can talk to us about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, ok?

Son: Ok.

End scene.

I’ve had this conversation with my boys many times, sometimes simply talking about their wonderful bodies and sometimes emphasizing the “no-touching” part. My hope is that these brief conversations we’ve had between the ages of 2-4 will build a safeguard around them against sexual predators, as well as open up those would-be awkward conversation lines dealing with sexual topics.

But the “no-touching” mantra has also helped when my twins think it is funny to grab at each other in the bathtub. (AHH! PWIVATE PARTS! NO TOUCH!)

I’ve also used the “private parts/no touching” when it comes to teaching them about the female body. I want to help my boys develop a respect for a woman’s body—and that begins with me.

Mostly our conversations go like this:

Scene: Mommy is using the bathroom. Unfortunately, 4 year olds do not have a sense of privacy so they are also in the bathroom.

Son: Mommy, you going potty?

Me: Yes….(grrr)

Son: Mommy, where’s your penis?
Me: Mommy doesn’t have a penis. Mommy has a vagina.

Son: A ‘gina???

Me: Yes, those are Mommy’s private parts.

Son: Oh. Ok. (pause) So you don’t have a penis?

End Scene.

Actually, we have conversations about boobs much more frequently and this is where I stress that boobs are also private parts and should be respected as such (hopefully I will hammer this lesson home before they get their first girlfriend!)

Micah is very fond of feminine curves and will often compliment me on my “ very nice private parts.” (Freud anyone?) However awkward a compliment like this is from my son, I am glad that we have talked about breasts as private parts because while I do want to celebrate my boys' admiration of feminine beauty, more importantly I want them to respect women and their bodies by teaching them which parts need respect and privacy.

In the days after the tragedy at Penn State, TV commentators have been quick to remind viewers of the staggering statistics that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be molested (or perhaps worse) before they reach adulthood. These numbers terrify me as a parent as I want my boys to grow up whole and healthy, with a wonderful appreciation for their bodies and sex as it was meant to be.

I know we’ll have the real “Talk” in the future but for now, I’m going to keep talking about “penises” and “private parts” and hope and pray that these brief bath-time conversations will help my sons to form a layer of sexual protection around their bodies and hearts.

What about you? How do you protect your child against sexual danger or sexual temptation? How do we move past our personal embarrassment and shame to tackle this issue? Please share your thoughts so that we, as parents, can help prevent sexual abuse in our own communities!  

"I want to pray!"

I hate losing things, mostly because I hate looking for things I've lost. Even more than I hate losing MY things and looking for them is having to look for things OTHER people have lost. It just makes me want to ROAR!

Sadly, I have been roaring a lot lately because, as a mother of small children, I am constantly looking for things that other people ::ahem--said children:: have lost. This morning was no exception.

We had approximately 4.2 minutes to get shoes on, grab briefcase, lunch boxes, and blankies and rush out the door to preschool and work.  And Benji couldn't find his shoe.

This fact is particularly annoying because looking for his shoes is a frequent occurrence; no matter how many times I stress "YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR SHOES IN THE BOX SO WE DO NOT LOSE THEM, OK?????" he forgets. Because he is three (a fact I need to remember more often).

Plus, even more annoyingly, he will. not. wear. any. other. shoes. At all. That kid is OCD about his shoes if there was a kid ever OCD about anything. Thank you, dear Husband, for imparting this wonderful part of yourself to our child. I am praying it manifests itself in more productive facets (such as your timeliness and organization) when he gets older.

Anyways, he couldn't find his shoe. I am mad because I am rushed, running late, and hate looking for other people's things.

Me: (roaring) WE NEED TO FIND YOUR SHOE!!! LOOK FOR IT! NOW!
Benji: (crying a bit) I want to pray.
Me: WHAT?
Benji: I want to pray!

I didn't actually fully comprehend what he said the first time, though I heard the words he said. The thing is, last time he lost his shoes, we looked for them for a very long time (30 minutes +) and I was ballistic by this point. Then that gentle inner whisper reminded me that I need to slow down, take a deep breath and ask God to help us. So we prayed. And we found the shoes.

My little son remembered that prayer and wanted to pray for the shoes today.

Me: (kneeling down and holding him) Do you want to pray?
Benji: No, you do it.

So I did.

We didn't find the shoe instantly but pretty soon after that. I was so humbled. When I was running around roaring like mad, my son's first instinct was to pray. Which I know should be my first instinct. I do actually pray a lot when I lose things--but not before running around, slamming doors, and muttering wildly inappropriate words under my breath. I know when I stop and pray,  it isn't about saying the magic words to suddenly make the item appear--it is about changing my attitude, slowing down, and realizing that I need help. And then I always find what I am looking for. I know God has used my habit of losing things to build my faith.

Praying for lost things was an attitude that I wanted to pass along to my boys as a way to build their faith.

And it did even more for me today. My sweet son, whimpering because Mommy was ROARING about losing that darn shoe, challenged me to stop immediately and pray.

I feel like I am constantly convicted about how I am not doing enough to teach my boys about the Lord and Christian character.

Well, today, my son taught me.

We found the shoe and hastily threw a "Thank you" up to heaven as we ran to the car.

And I'm thankful for more than that, right at this moment.

Job Chart for 3 year olds

I have been wanting to try a job chart with the boys for a while and I *think* they are finally ready. There are tons of free printable job charts online. I googled a little half-heartedly and didn't find anything I really liked (why do you have to "like" something on Facebook just to get a free printable? Oh, advertising...). I decided to make my own.

 These are my mad Excel skills at work (ha!). I basically drew lines to make boxes in Excel and then typed the boys' names at the top. Then PRINT!

Then my mad drawing skills came into play. This is where the online printable were not cutting it for me. A lot of them had prescribed jobs already written down; but I have specific jobs that I want the boys to work on.
From top to bottom:
Set table for dinner
Put dishes in the sink
Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket
Help Mommy Sweep (this is a brand new thing...we'll see if it works)
Brush teeth
Put toys away

Each time they do a chore, they get a small sticker to put in the box. There are seven boxes after the chore picture so, in theory, if they do them every day we can fill up the chart and get a treat in one week.

And the treat of choice is a trip to SWEET  FROG (our local frozen yogurt shop). The boys LOVE Sweet Frog and are pretty excited at the idea of filling up their charts so we can get some "ice cream" (though understanding this concept took several explanations).

Some of my reasoning is a little flawed on this chart. The boys take their dishes to the sink several times a day so there is the potential to fill up these boxes very quickly. Conversely, I don't sweep every day (though I probably should...hmm) so it might be more difficult to fill these squares up. I guess it's all about being flexible with the goal being, of course, to teach the boys responsibility and how to clean up after themselves.

What do you do to help motivate your children toward greater responsibility?