BAM Family

BAM Family

Thursday, May 30, 2013

First Day/ Last Day: How they grow!

I can't believe today was the last day of school for Micah and Benji! We have had such a great year! 
 Their first day of school: August 2012. Four years old
Their last day of school: May 2013

Look how much they have grown! What big boys!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

My New Years Resolution: Choosing Delight

It's almost June 1st. Do you remember your New Years Resolution?

I only made one, and it wasn't really even a resolution, per se. I chose a word, a word to help focus my mothering and my relationships with my children. Particularly, my relationships with my 5 year old twins.

My word is "Delight."

Around New Years, I was feeling pretty discouraged about my mothering abilities. Ok, not just discouraged: guilty. And it was the worst type of guilt--MOM guilt.

When we rang in the new year, Silas was around 2 months old and he was a precious bundle of pure goodness--sweet, soft, good smelling (most of the time), and snuggly.

Having one baby was pure joy. Delightful.

I finally realized why everyone asked me, "How do you do it?" when my twins were babies.

The answer, of course, was "I just do! I don't have a choice." And I didn't. I just did the best I could. I just put one foot in front of the other every day and just did it.

And I made it! Through twin babyhood and toddlerhood, and into preschool. I did it.

But having one baby made me realize something sobering. Having infant twins was really hard. So hard that there was only room for survival  and not much room for joy or delight on most days.

The thing is, things got easier as my twins got older. However, my outlook and attitude remained the same--this is hard.

I didn't let myself take delight in them because I was so caught up in the petty annoyances and frustrations that come from having twins boys--and in reality, kids in general--demanding attention, crying and yelling, wrestling, overwhelming emotions, huge messes, 100 spilled drinks a day, wrestling, crashing toys and lamps, oh, and did I mention, wrestling?

Sadly and shamefully, I realized that my primary emotion I felt toward my twins each day was annoyance. And I wanted to change.

I thought: I'll plan dates with them. We'll do fun things. I won't yell so much. I will be more patient. I will do better. Be...better.

But deep down I knew that forcing myself change my behavior toward them wasn't the issue. '

I needed to change my heart. I needed to see them with new eyes.

So I prayed and asked God to help me choose a word for 2013, a word that would help refocus my mothering.

Ultimately, I chose the word "Delight."

The definition of "Delight" encompasses so many of the ways I want to view my sons:
I want to enjoy them
I want to find satisfaction in them
I want to notice the tiny things that make them tick and genuinely smile
I want to love them for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

So since January, I have been choosing delight.

Sometimes in moments of frustration, where a still small whisper reminds me, "Delight! Delight! Delight in your small, strong, rough and tumble boys."

Sometimes in moments of creativity:
Mommy, can I help you cook?
Mommy, listen to my joke!
Mommy, look what I can do!

And instead of
Not right now.
Stop that!

I choose

At the beginning of the year I shared my word with a few close friends and last week, one of my dear friends told me, "I can see a change in you, in the way you talk about them. In the way you view mothering. You have more joy."

It was easy for me to find joy in Silas. It came more naturally because I wasn't inexperienced this time around, because I felt confident and peaceful instead of unsure and stressed out, because he was only one baby and not two.

But I needed to stop using "twins" as a synonym for "hard." I needed to renew my thinking.

Because sometimes motherhood isn't about moving forward--it is about going back to the beginning and starting over again.

So I started over again on January first.

I still remember my resolution. It has changed me for the better.
And I hope, for good.
Because sweet, silly, wild, loud, funny, strong, unique Micah and Benjamin, I delight in you. 

I choose delight. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

"May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters:" A blessing for Mother's Day

This Mother’s Day:
Photo by S. Carter Studios

May you always pee in peace
May your coffee be hot and your wine cold
May you enter and exit the shower without an audience
May your hair be free of grease and your under-eyes void of dark circles
May your skinny jeans zip
May the only muffins tops in your life be blueberry
May your baskets be free of laundry and your sink clear of dishes
May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters
May your freshly mopped floors magically repel spilled milk and kool-aid
May naptime be long
May your feet avoid all legos and Barbie shoes
May dinner time be filled with “Seconds, please!”
May you sleep as deeply as the father of your children

May your children tell you that you are the best mama in the world and may you believe it.

Because, mama, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are the best mom in the world. 
Photo by S. Carter Studios
Today and everyday. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The trials of being a twin: A Five year old's perspective

Micah and Benji are five years old and frequently (and loudly) announce to others (like random people at the park):


Being twins is unique!
Being twins is fun!

But sometimes, being twins is annoying. Or even, confusing.

This is a snippet of the conversation we had at dinner tonight.

Micah: Sometimes my friends call me 'Benji.'
Me: Ahh...I see. Does that bother you?
Micah: Yeah, because I'm NOT Benji.
Me: Why do you think they call you Benji?
Micah: I don't know!
Me: Are you and Benji twins?
Micah: Yes.
Me: Do you and Benji look alike?
Micah: (emphatically) No! We don't look alike...
Me: Well, some people think you look like Benji.
Micah: But I don't look like Benji! I look like Micah!

(Yes, indeed, little man. You do look like Micah.)

We decided to query Benji to get his take on this problem.

Me: Benji, do your friends ever call you 'Micah'?
Benji: (very matter of fact) No, my friends call me 'Benji'.
Micah: I don't like being a twin!

Aaron: Well, son, you'll need to take that up with God.

Do you know who is who???

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